Bolthouse Farms’ Green Goodness

So it’s been my intent to get into shape… take my vitamins, say my prayers, and believe in the power of Hulkamania, yadda yadda yadda. So when I came across “All natural… Packed with Phytonutrients [whatever they may be]…” Green Goodness, I figured hey this has got to be good for me. It’s got good in it’s title for Pete’s sake!

I mean look at all the ingredients – Apple juice, pinapple juice, mango puree, banan puree, kiwi juice, open cell chlorella [?], lime juice, broccoli, grean tea [always good], spinach, [this is a drink mind you], two types of grass, and whatever else the green grocer had at the time…

It has to be good for you.

But then I remembered that if it’s good for you it’ll taste like crap, Bingo. Every single ingredient is present in this “beverage’s” taste, like some machination from Wonka’s chocolate factory (but bad!). Even worse is the fact that all these flavors have a royal rumble over who is supreme, causing quite a bit of indigestion as your stomach is used as a turnbuckle. The winner then repeats on you… it was a tie between the mango and pinapple.

Anyway, don’t bother with this stuff. It’s a lot safer and more satisfying to eat the ingredients individually than to drink this soup.

Tazo Chai & Matcha latte

The words chai and matcha are both ancient Asian forms for the word tea – which suits Tazo Teas and it’s archaic wisdom theme it has going for itself. But do these quick fix lattes they taste as stale as they sound?

The chai - It’s a blend of black tea and spices, most noticeably cinnamon, that you add to milk… and tastes pretty good. This is the stuff that Starbucks uses – and with a price tag of four bucks for a Starbuck’s chai compared to doing yourself at home for less than $.75 per serving, well you just can’t beat that with a telephone pole. Plus you get the added benefits of not having to have it served at 900 degrees C like the marked-up coffee shope version, nor having more mix than milk which tends rip out one’s throat with cinnamon. The ideal mix, says the box, is half milk/half mix. I like it at 2/3 milk and 1/3 mix, which produces liquid marshmallow. Good stuff indeed.

A warning though, do not operate heavy machinery after drinking because even the caffeinated version will put you to sleep.

The matcha - I got this by accident thinking it was the chat, though clearly the box is green. The mix is also green, which lead green milk and an exclamation not ready to be uttered here. After reading the box I found it was in fact green tea with honeydew and assorted fruit flavoring. I was thinking "the heck?" when I tried it, and I’m still thinking "the heck?"

Though it’s not bad tasting it has a creamy sickly-sweet flavor that does not resemble milk, tea, honeydew or the color green; and it smells like coconut-scented shampoo. Obviously it’s named after the Japanese tea ceremony tea because of its metaphysical properties – being everything and resembles nothing.

I have no mixing recommendations for this, for no matter how much you put in all it tastes the same… and you’ll have some unmixed junk at the bottom of your cup.

All in all, I say give both a try. If anything, the budding alchemists of the world can scrutinize the matcha over a nice cup of chai.

The UltraCade

Ever since the last arcade in my town closed up to make way for a 60 family cul-de-sac, my experience with coin fed gaming systems has been limited. But every so often I get down to the Jersey shore and get my fix.

Well on my last trip I stumbled across what could be the best thing since a top-loading NES. This is The Ultracade Multi-Game System, put out by Hyperware.

As far as I can tell, this machine contains over 30 classic arcade games, including: Joust, Klax, Commando, Robotron, SnowBros 1 & 2, Mat Mania, and even the original Street Fighter (plus the first edition of SF2)… to name a few. And the best part is, they are presented in their original 8-16 bit forms.

However, despite the classic nature of the games, the marketing for the machine is pure 21st century drivel. During the selection process, you are constantly being hosted by a pink haired, very geometric looking anime chic, whose flashy effects and techno beats are bound to cause seizures of a Pokemon scale.

And, because the game is cased in those giant screened consoles usually reserved for fighting games, expect to lay down $.50 a go. Still, this is better than Nintendo’s approach to the mutigame system about 10 years ago. Remember that one? Twenty-Five cents for two minutes… I fell for it too.

Also keep in mind, once you put in your money, never ever ever push the red button! It’s the “Unload” button; aka the “steal-your-cash-ha-ha-ha-button.” This is here to get you to the menu screen before you press the 1P button and commit your credits. Don’t let it lead you to believe you can change games in the middle of play. This was the only thing the Nintendo arcade system had going for it.

The button is also good for denying people a free game, should you have to leave for some reason.

The multicade is not a bad idea; and is probably a precursor to the next wave of arcade gimmicks: “Retro.” However, if they really want to prey upon nostalgia buffs, make it a penny a game.

I guess not, huh?