The Brothers Grimm

Monty Python Does European Fables

Terry Gilliam of Monty Python makes yet another unique movie in The Brothers Grimm. Heath Ledger and Matt Damon wander the country side of Napoleon dominated Europe “ridding” small towns of their “ghosts” and “witches.” It just turns out to be a coincidence that all these creatures they vanquish happen to be based on the old fables they’ve chronicled for years. And it also just turns out to be a coincidence that these monsters are, in fact, two cohorts working with the brother to defraud these towns of their riches…oh yeah, I guess that wouldn’t exactly make much of a coincidence, huh?

Anyhow, they meet their match after the French capture them, and at the threat of death, are forced to flush out what seems to be an uprising in the back woods of Germany. From there on in, it’s no longer a cute little scam artist toying with french loot, they have to face a very real super natural fabel that seeks to ruin the whole continent…well, more so than what the endless wars of Napoleon did, anyway…yeah.

Ratings and Rantings

Gilliam yet again takes his knowledge of cartooning and movie making and combines them with good special effects, good actors, and a good script. The movie may keep you guessing as to whats going on, or for that matter which well known fair talethis actually is, but it never fails to entertain. Humor and action live harmoniously together in The Brothers Grimm and thus, bordum never makes an appearance. Overall, I’ll give it a 5 out of 6.

RED EYE

Or Terror Takes Place In An Entirely Different Movie

Good grief, there is no end to crappy movies, even ones which have a budget large enough to pull a third world nation into the black. Cillian Murphy plays the most unconvincing mercenary/assassin ever to rob you of a $6 movie ticket (which appears to be his most fiendish of plots). Rachel McAdams is the stereo typical ‘girl rising to the occasion’ to help foil Murphy’s plot to assassinate the head of Homeland Security. Apparently she was in on, or had no qualms about robbing you, dear friends of your $6 though. Apparently, she’s supposed to move the new HLS head to a different hotel room, at the threat of her father’s murder, so some Frenchy speaking tards can off him with a bazooka. I know what you’re thinking: hey at least we get a nice rewarding explosion, right? WRONG! Somehow even that managed to disappoint. Anyhow, half the movie takes place on a commercial airplane going from Texas to Florida. This is the place where Suspense exhibited the greatest amount of common sense of all the actors and failed to appear…ever.

Ratings and Ranting

Boredom runs wildly through this film like a five year old with scissors through kindergarten. When the actual “action” actually does make an attempt to counter weight the dull drums, things go from bad to entirely idiotic. There’s even a slap fest which extends this movie by eons between McAdams and Murphy in her dad’s house. Without giving anymore time to this film I’m heading straight to the ratings: it gets a 2 out of 6 only for making that grand attempt at being both clever AND tackling current social and global affairs at the same time, but of course bungles the whole operation and before the plane lands the movie’s essentially over.

Portuguese Irregular Verbs

The Premise

Now before you balk, Portuguese Irregular Verbs isn’t a text book. Well, it is, but not in real life. It is the opus of Professor Dr. Moritz-Maria von Igelfeld – a very pompous, very German philogist. The novel Portuguese Irregular Verbs, by Alexander McCall Smith, is a collection of misadventures staring Igelfeld supported by his equally square colleagues Professor Dr. Detlev Amadeus Unterholzer and Professor Dr. Dr. (hc) Florianus Prinzel.

I must say it’s very cute. It’s different and very creative – almost borderline absurdism with a dry sense of humor.

Portuguese Irregular Verbs is a very light read despite McCall Smith’s wide vocabulary… you may have to crack open a dictionary. There is no mind bending plot, just short vignettes that provide a chuckle or two as von Igelfeld’s ego gets him into trouble – be it at the dentist, attempting tennis or a duel at Heidleberg.

However, hidden within the stories and McCall’s descriptions is a European’s view of Europe that most American could use and may cause wanderlust. You get a sense of small towns and different cultures that aren’t always touched upon by the mainstream.

You also get a sense (albeit satirical) of what it’s like to be an intellectual for a living – delivering academic paper after academic paper all the while putting up with academic paper after academic paper.

The Verdict

If Basil Fawlty had brains he’d probably be Professor Dr. Moritz-Maria von Igelfeld, and that’s good enough for me. Like I said, nothing cerebral here even though it deals with the everyday lives of scholars.

McCall Smith has gained my interest with this one. He has a slew of other books that I may just pick up. He has a good sense of narrative, description and all that other good stuff that makes a good author good, with the wit to match.

Go get the book, if not for the reasons stated then for the fact its only 10 bucks.

See, I Told You So by Rush Limbaugh

DNC, RNC, and Reviewsies

See I Told You So by Rush Limbaugh is, as defined by modern day terms, techically both political and historical. Firstly, in a historical sense, it documents the political climate in the United States at the dawning of Bill Clinton’s eight year presidential reign. It highlights, although admittedly biased towards Rush Limbaugh’s political opinion, deperation of the radical liberal wing of the Democratic Party. It also outlines the disorganization and want for leadership of the Republican Party after George H. Bush’s (the first President Bush) presidential defeat.

Secondly, in its political sense, it is an unabashed, conservative response to Bill Clinton winning the 1992 presidential election, and the left-leaning policies he intended to bring about during his term. Through most chapters, he dissects the short comings of various policies, from politically correctness to taxation, and perscribes right-wing answers to each.

Ratings and Rantings

As much as Rush Limbaugh is decidedly right-wing, so too is this, the book he compiles his ideas and solutions in. This is not to say that all Democrats or for that matter Liberal Democrats are vilified, old school liberals such as Huebert H. Humpherys (MN) is given an even hand where he is discussed. However, cultural and societal questions are deal with a starkly different approach than what you might find in one of Bill O’Reilly’s books. Whether or not you like O’Reilly’s approach over Limbaugh’s depends on where you stand in the political spectrum. It should be an obvious note, of course, that Limbaugh is much more partisan than is O’Reilly. In terms of message cohessiveness, the book is fairly point blank. There are a few chapters which deal with finance and taxation which are a bit grueling to sift through, but they plainly state the case he is trying to make. Overall, the book is worth a read, if for no other reason than you get a taste of how the champion of the right-wing views things. Effectively you walk away with ever you take out of it. I’ll give it a 5 out of 6 on the NWOt rating scale.

The Muppet Show: Season 1

For years, when kid themed stations sporadically showed The Muppets, it wasn’t all there. Any episodes from season 1 began with later season’s opening montages (which is a shame, because Fozzy warmed up the audience before the show), and not all episodes were shown either (any star who faded from pop culture by the time of the re-airing got the boot). Rowlf’s solos often got the axe as well. The list goes on.

Finally and at long last, the Muppet Show is being released to DVD – in order, uncut and sprinkled with Muppet flavored extras.

First, the shows: As I said, all there as Master Henson dreamed it. There’s not much more I can say really. I mean, if you don’t know what a Muppet is or how brilliant they’ve been the past 50 years, well allow me to pry that rock off of you.

But just think for a moment if you don’t have a clue… the world’s greatest entertainers were the guests on a puppet show.

Now on to the extras: The 4th disk contains the original bumpers and promos (labeled gag reel) and the pitch reel Henson used to butter up the egos of the network executives. It’s a real testament to how much of a sicko he was. A good sicko.

But the real benefit of the extras is the often unseen Muppet Show pilot… “Sex and Violence.” Had the show gone down that alley, Nigel the band leader would have been the host, Sam the moralistic eagle his sidekick/foil and the show played out like a mixed up TV station rather than a variety show. What would it be like had that time stream took and Nigel was a famous as Kermit? The world may never know, but the pilot is just as good as the real thing.

Also on each disk, pop up facts about the Muppets and their guest stars.

All in all, a must have for any Muppet fan, bad pun fan, craziness fan or DVD collectors who like green felt covered boxes (a nice touch).

Finger Prints

Crime and History

For those of you who tire of my endless line of historical books dealing with things of political and military nature, you might be pleasantly suprized at this review, which combines scientific and criminal history all in one.

In 1905 a murder trial in Britain would, for the first time ever in the world, see the use of a finger print as solitary evidense lead to a conviction and death for two criminals. However, as early as 1877 fingerprints were being put to use in as obscure a place as Calcutta, India for the purpose of signing contracts.

Colin Beavan’s book contains 11 chapter (12 if you include the epilogue) and travels the world from Great Britain to Indian to Japan to the United States and South America back to Europe and Britain. It also travels through time from as early as the Paleolithic, where cave men covered the walls of their cave with their hand impressions, all the way up to the modern day uses of finger prints and printing techniques.

Even in science, their are heros, villians and tragic victims of chance and this book sheds quite a deal of light on each of them. Most of the book centers around Britian where much of the foot work was being done by British scientists, but France and India also take up a considerable section and the fingerprint science from America makes up the last two chapters, for the most part.

Final Judgement

It’s very easy to blow through 3-4 chapters in a single sitting. It’s jam packed with all sorts of information, but does tend to jump around (in terms of both time and thousands of miles) much like a Tarantino film. He has a full cast of characters with villians and heros, such as Franis Galton (villian) and Henry Faulds (tragic hero).

All in all, it’s a captivating book in terms of both information and entertainment. 6 out of 6.

The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy (2005)

Unlike most geeks, I read The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy late in life – 24. But I read it and I was glad. Then I learned Douglas Adams was no longer with us, and I wasn’t so glad anymore. Then I heard he’d been working on a screenplay that would be made into a movie, and I was glad again.

Then it hit me… HOLLYWOOD.

Would tinsel town be the unraveling of the guide just as it had been for everything else that fell into its event horizon?

The Premise

Many of you can skip this since its old hat…

Arthur Dent, a hopelessly British fellow, is about to have his home turned into a freeway. However, unbeknownst to him the whole earth is about to meet the same fate. Equally unbeknownst to his is that his best friend is an alien and is going to take Arthur away from it all.

And much hilarity ensues.

The Execution

One has to realize that the book did not come first. It was a radio series, then a book, then a stage play, miniseries, and then a computer game – each different in their own sort of way. So when you see the movie and see that it resembles little of the prior… Don’t Panic. It’s still Doug Adam talking.

Well, I can’t say it resembles nothing… it is in fact the BBC miniseries all over again – smashed into 2 hrs and given an actual plot to work with:

Trillian, the runaway earthling that only happened to meet Arthur at a party becomes his obsession (earlier on then normal). When he meets her again in space, she gets herself kidnapped and it’s up to Arthur to grow a backbone and save her. This becomes the Hollywood injected main plot, and the search for Deep Thought, Magrathea and the answer to Life, the Universe and Everything sort of become sub texts. John Malcovich is also cast as cult leader to help the new plot along.

Also taking the lead in this version are to Vogons, who get upgraded from plot point to full blown antagonists. And skillfully done as well, thanks to the Jim Henson Creature shop. That’s right, hundreds of 8ft tall giant Muppets thankfully take the screen instead of some cheesy CGI.

But never fear, there is a narrator who chimes in with Guide entries, there is Marvin (voiced by a wonderfully depressing Alan Rickman), and there is countless offbeat references and stabs to society to keep you going.

Mos Def, is very neat as Ford. I didn’t think he would be since he’s not British and didn’t even attempt fain the accent (probably a good thing), but it worked out very well. And Zaphod was a better Zaphod here then the BBC version – it’s what I pictured when I read the book – a schmoozing/annoying idiot rather than an annoying/schmoozing idiot.

The Verdict

Don’t take the word of people who walked out of the film – they were obviously n over their heads to begin with. This movie is great. The opening musical number alone is worth the price of admission. And get the soundtrack, because it channels the whole Hitchhiker’s spirit.

All the new stuff fits in with the old stuff, thus making it great. Adams would be proud.

On the arbitrary scale of 1-6 this is: one of the most beautiful things I’ve seen in a long while.

The Sentence

READ THE BOOKs!!!

Kingdom Of Heaven

Kingdom of Heaven
Reviewed By Ray Macula

Synopsis and Scimitars

Kingdom of Heaven takes place in a magical time where Christians Muslims and Jews can’t copasetic ally live together and are busy killing each other off for a few scraps of desert waste considered to be the Holy Land. Hey does this sound familiar to anybody else? Anyway, the Christian rulers of Europe occupy and control Jerusalem as well as a few other territories with in the nearby area, outside them however are the unified Muslim hoards, and they want Jerusalem themselves.
Now I should point out that the king of Jerusalem doesn’t bar anyone from worshipping in the city, for a reasonable tax, Christian, Muslim and Jew are all free to worship as well as live harmoniously with in the city walls. The hitch of course is that the king is dying, the next in line for the throne is a know-it-all Frenchman who wants to fight the Muslims, and all the while those darned Templars are out there causing havoc and destruction against an enemy who is himself spoiling for a war.
Enter Orlando Bloom, who gets stuck trying to defend the city out numbered and under armed after the French king leads the bulk of the army to the dismal failure only a Frenchy could bungle into.

Ratings and Riyadh

The movie is an epic starting off somewhere in Medieval Europe (sorry I was late getting into the theater) and rapidly progressing to the Middle East with ship wrecks, medieval sex, political scandals and blood shed galore. The main battles make up most of the middle to end of the movie, with lots of nasty little spurts hither and dither. In short it’s a sort of history lesson woven into about 2 ½ hours of people butchering each other. I’m giving it a 6 out of 6.

Salmon of Doubt

The Premise

In September of 2001, the Earth lost a great talent to a heart attack. Soon after, Douglas Adams’ armada of Apple computers were ransacked and the result is Salmon of Doubt, a collection of snippets, letters and magazine articles Douglas had written over the years.

The title comes from the constantly in progress 3rd Dirk Gently book, of which the first chapters are included in this tome.

The Execution

The first sections are split up into the aptly titled “Life,” “The Universe,” “And Everything”; concerning such things as his exploits like walking to Mt. Kilimanjaro in a Rhino costume, or his thesis on the existence of an artificial god, or his recounting the life of Genghis Khan, barbarian and complete ninny. And of course, much more.

These chapters give great insight to the man who crafted a legend. You may think you know him from simply reading the Hitchhiker’s or Holistic Detective Agency books, but you don’t.

The last section is, as I said, the first chapters of the actual Salmon of Doubt, what would have been the 3rd installment of holistic detective Dirk Gently, who is on the case of a missing half cat and in pursuit of whoever is uninvitingly pushing large amounts of cash on his bank account.

Adams’, in his writing, felt that the situations in Salmon of Doubt were warranting another Hitchhiker’s novel, but I’d say it’s definitely a Gently story. Too bad we now have to figure out how it ends… and middles for that matter.

The Verdict

Salmon of Doubt is both brilliant and a complete and utter downer. Douglas Adams’ wordcraft was amazing, and that’s also the downer. He was taken too soon… as the tributes and memorials in the book push this notion further.

So, as if you couldn’t tell what I’m giving the book – on the arbitrary scale from 1-6, I give it… guess. (What’s 6×7?)

The Killers – Hot Fuss

When I first heard the song Somebody Told Me, the bubblegum angst anthem with the chorus “somebody told me you had a boyfriend that looked like a girlfriend I had in February of last year…” caught my ears. Not because the line spoke volumes of the current dating scene. Nor was it that because it was on MTV, that I thought it was another cookie cutter crap band.

No, it was different. It was (quality) bass heavy. It had (quality) synth sound effects. It was good. So I bought the album, which was odd for me since it was and still is on the Billboard Top 40. I’ve never owned something that was currently on the Top 40. But these guys deserve to be there, shunning the crap that surrounds them.

The Killers sound has an epic quality to it. I can’t exactly put my finger on how that is, but it just is. The melodies with their rolling guitars and drum beats and ever present keyboard action, invoke neatness and emotion. And as for the content, yes, it’s mostly bubblegum angst… but it’s got wit to it and isn’t the run of the mill garbage.

Verdict

Listening to Hot Fuss it like listening to a throwback to the 80′s synth-alternative movement (The Jam, The Cure, etc.); which as you should know by now is a good thing. But like I said, it’s different. The Killers is one of those bands that needs not to be forgotten about and has to produce more stuff so that music as a whole doesn’t pack it in.

Headphonability/Travelicity - Plug it into your ears and go man go.

Replayability - Despite the above praise, I wouldn’t choose Hot Fuss for constant rotation. It will wear thin on your nerves, especially with the video for Mr. Brightside airing on every other music network 3 times an hour. Come on VJs and DJs, don’t over saturate us just yet, they’ve got so much more to do before we burn them like Disco.

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