So, I’m thinking that she was the only one “insisting” that this commercial was about her. The rest of us – who, up until now, had finally neatly stowed the antics of Ms. Lohan away in a footlocker in the corner of the collective consciousness (the dark one with the burned out reading lamp) – just enjoyed a funny commercial.

Alas, no one chained the box and she’s out making a fuss again. This time she’s just being litigious in nature rather than the normal lascivious. Evolution in action.

For those of you not in the know by now – E-Trade is an online brokerage whose commercials star a fiscally savvy baby who lives it up thanks to power trading of stocks and bonds. No small feat for a professional in this economy, let alone an infant. Anyway, here’s the commercial in question:

Now I fail to see any resemblance here. I mean the punchline is merely a baby with an apparent drinking prob… point taken madam.

But my beef isn’t so much with the lawsuit as the grounds for it. Again from the NY Post:
“Lohan’s lawyer, Stephanie Ovadia, said the actress has the same single-name recognition as Oprah or Madonna. ‘Many celebrities are known by one name only, and E-Trade is using that knowledge to profit,’ Ovadia said.”

First of all, if you’re gonna go all mononym on the world, pick something better than “Lindsay.” It’s not all that distinctive – in 1986, the year Ms. Lohan was born, Lindsay was 46th in popularity (SSA.gov). Plus, I’m pretty sure 72% of America has had a bad experience with someone name Lindsay, though I’m still working on those statistics.

Secondly, comparing yourself to Oprah or Madonna? Really? They scored an Oscar and a Grammy respectively… where’s yours, Ms. Lovebug-remake?

Where does it stop? If slight innuendo experienced by one person can be the basis of a frivolous lawsuit, could this other E-trade ad be next?

Captain Sullenberger, you’re retiring, why not sue on the off chance they’re implying you fathered a rhythmically challenged kid?

In unrelated news… TMZ reports Corey Haim died today of what preliminary reports are deeming an overdose. Fans of the Canadian actor were shocked by the news. Not so much shocked that he died, but that he’d been alive all this time… OK, that’s in bad taste I know, I’m sorry, but I had to get it in before the late night comics!

“Here we have one big ass tentacle. Add a touch of eerie goodness to your home decor.
Bursting through a wall of faux bricks, this fabulous bit of cephalopod is sure to delight young and old alike.” -Says the artist – Etsy username ArtAkimbo

And really, what little girl wouldn’t want the carbuncle of Cthulu jutting out from over her bed? Or, older girl, under her bed… The look on a little boys face when he opens that box Christmas morn and flashes back to the run in with the squid at the beach line a few months prior….

“I’ve included a couple of photos of how it might look in your gracious home, specifically if you happen to live in the American wing of the Metropolitan Museum of Art.” – ArtAkimbo goes on to say.

Snide comments aside, it’s a rather nifty looking art piece. Not my cup of tea, but I’m sure it’d fit in some seaside villa or cultists livingroom.

The tentacle is made of foam and fiberglass, and juts out about 44” from the wall. The piece weighs in at 25lbs , though I don’t know how much weight it can hold – meaning you may not be able to use it as a coat hook a la the Adams Family. Come on, you know you thought of it too.

It’s one of a kind and sells for $1,200, though if Spencer Gifts had any brains (muffled comment) they’d license this bad boy.

Akimbo has some other unique (and affordable) Surreal and Dadaist pieces and prints in his shop. Definitively worth a look see.

They also got Looney Tunes and Tom and Jerry! They’ve been edited for political correctness’ sake, but its something. So if you got kids, here’s something for them to watch rather than totally sterile rehashed gags of cartoons that are being made today. If you don’t got kids, who cares… its something to watch rather than the totally sterile rehashed gags of sitcoms that are being made today.

In an unrelated note, Nickelodeon still appears to not be acknolweding their existance prior to 1999. Come on guys, Classic Nick Network on 3! 1… 2…

PS, don’t go to the CN website… there’re pedophiles in the comments : 0 And no trace of a channel line-up.

British foul keeper known as TheDuckman666 has developed a fully auto-loading/firing crossbow – an invention prompted by his increasing arthritis -and can be seen in this video:

A motorized variation of the Chinese lever-action repeating crossbow of the 2nd century, it holds 15 bolts in its internal magazine and gets a shot off every 2 seconds or so. Far and away from any Thompson gun, its still a dangerous and effective gadget. I mean, should a disgruntled Medieval Times worker get the notion, they could go on a rampage and still stay in character. NOT advocating, just saying.

I do fear for those ducks in the background though. Friendly fire isn’t limited to M-16s.

And think of the various subcultures of nerds who’ll rejoice that such a thing is possible! Man, slap some copper plating and superfluous gears on that thing and it just screams STEAMPUNK!

For the accuracy minded, there is a semi-automatic version too which just loads the bolt into place ready for the shooter to take aim. No scopes or laser sights, however.

Another Brit’s got that bit covered… Following the recommended vids we come to preyingforburglars‘ channel. He’s tacticalized a popular crossbow pistol with a 11 shot magazine and break “barrel” loading:

This is great for thatched hut village fighting, and is just the thing the Grand Duchy of Fenwick needs should they attempt another invasion. Still, given some R&D grants, the manual cocking would be more discreet than the whirring motors of the previous model.

Either case, it’s good to know that when Armageddon comes and black powder is scarce we’ll still be able to defend our compounds with somewhat-rapid-fire.

Thanks to [Neatorama] for the lead.

Clay Shirky at Web 2.0 Expo SF 2008

For more of Clay Shirky’s work – go here: http://www.shirky.com/

Human cloning ‘flawed’ (if the link is dead, here’s the txt version)

Well, it seems the evil scientist crackpots have hit a stumbling block in the area of cloning. Apparently genetic material in primates, much like that which they create, are a fickle lot. When the cell splits, it’s feast or famine time when it comes to divvying up the DNA, thus putting a stop to illegal copying.

Because of this, much doubt has been cast upon those Raelians who, as we all know by now, claim to have made not one, but many clones. Well, either Clonaid is lying through their hats… or should it be true, maybe there is something to all this descended from aliens stuff.

And speaking of DNA….

I knew I should have taken that left at Adenine

Human Genome Finally Complete (if the link is dead, here’s the txt version)

Not only are humans on the map, they get their own. The Human Genome Project has announced that they are almost done with figuring out what makes us all tick. The implications for this are tremendous! Why with the sharing of this research, all sorts of diseases, syndromes, and ailments will be cured. That is, of course, if it is shared. But since many companies were vying to crack the code first, the key to life itself will most likely become just another consumer product.

And a cheap consumer product at that. Remember, they say they’re almost done: “The decoding is now close to 100% complete. The remaining tiny gaps are considered too costly to fill and those in charge of turning genomic data into medical and scientific progress have plenty to be getting on with.”

Ever get the feeling were just cheap chairs from IKEA? It’s always those small missing bits that seem to make a difference between comfort and quickly relocating to the basement.

I, being the great scientific mind that I am, know what a few of those gaps are, however. One is the number troubleshooter’s hotline, the other is the “do not remove under penalty of law” tag.

Do me a favor guys, pay the extra 50 cents for the insurance.