So, I’m thinking that she was the only one “insisting” that this commercial was about her. The rest of us – who, up until now, had finally neatly stowed the antics of Ms. Lohan away in a footlocker in the corner of the collective consciousness (the dark one with the burned out reading lamp) – just enjoyed a funny commercial.

Alas, no one chained the box and she’s out making a fuss again. This time she’s just being litigious in nature rather than the normal lascivious. Evolution in action.

For those of you not in the know by now – E-Trade is an online brokerage whose commercials star a fiscally savvy baby who lives it up thanks to power trading of stocks and bonds. No small feat for a professional in this economy, let alone an infant. Anyway, here’s the commercial in question:

Now I fail to see any resemblance here. I mean the punchline is merely a baby with an apparent drinking prob… point taken madam.

But my beef isn’t so much with the lawsuit as the grounds for it. Again from the NY Post:
“Lohan’s lawyer, Stephanie Ovadia, said the actress has the same single-name recognition as Oprah or Madonna. ‘Many celebrities are known by one name only, and E-Trade is using that knowledge to profit,’ Ovadia said.”

First of all, if you’re gonna go all mononym on the world, pick something better than “Lindsay.” It’s not all that distinctive – in 1986, the year Ms. Lohan was born, Lindsay was 46th in popularity (SSA.gov). Plus, I’m pretty sure 72% of America has had a bad experience with someone name Lindsay, though I’m still working on those statistics.

Secondly, comparing yourself to Oprah or Madonna? Really? They scored an Oscar and a Grammy respectively… where’s yours, Ms. Lovebug-remake?

Where does it stop? If slight innuendo experienced by one person can be the basis of a frivolous lawsuit, could this other E-trade ad be next?

Captain Sullenberger, you’re retiring, why not sue on the off chance they’re implying you fathered a rhythmically challenged kid?

In unrelated news… TMZ reports Corey Haim died today of what preliminary reports are deeming an overdose. Fans of the Canadian actor were shocked by the news. Not so much shocked that he died, but that he’d been alive all this time… OK, that’s in bad taste I know, I’m sorry, but I had to get it in before the late night comics!

Human cloning ‘flawed’ (if the link is dead, here’s the txt version)

Well, it seems the evil scientist crackpots have hit a stumbling block in the area of cloning. Apparently genetic material in primates, much like that which they create, are a fickle lot. When the cell splits, it’s feast or famine time when it comes to divvying up the DNA, thus putting a stop to illegal copying.

Because of this, much doubt has been cast upon those Raelians who, as we all know by now, claim to have made not one, but many clones. Well, either Clonaid is lying through their hats… or should it be true, maybe there is something to all this descended from aliens stuff.

And speaking of DNA….

I knew I should have taken that left at Adenine

Human Genome Finally Complete (if the link is dead, here’s the txt version)

Not only are humans on the map, they get their own. The Human Genome Project has announced that they are almost done with figuring out what makes us all tick. The implications for this are tremendous! Why with the sharing of this research, all sorts of diseases, syndromes, and ailments will be cured. That is, of course, if it is shared. But since many companies were vying to crack the code first, the key to life itself will most likely become just another consumer product.

And a cheap consumer product at that. Remember, they say they’re almost done: “The decoding is now close to 100% complete. The remaining tiny gaps are considered too costly to fill and those in charge of turning genomic data into medical and scientific progress have plenty to be getting on with.”

Ever get the feeling were just cheap chairs from IKEA? It’s always those small missing bits that seem to make a difference between comfort and quickly relocating to the basement.

I, being the great scientific mind that I am, know what a few of those gaps are, however. One is the number troubleshooter’s hotline, the other is the “do not remove under penalty of law” tag.

Do me a favor guys, pay the extra 50 cents for the insurance.