Over the Top Holiday

Dear Mr. Eccentric,

I am having a huge holiday soiree is a few days for a few thousand of my closest friends. But, as I make my plans, I realized I could very well make a total ass of myself if I went too over the top. So, I need your humble advice: Which appetizer goes better with roast reindeer under glass? Beluga caviar with miniscule edible pearls or crocks of vichyssoise crusted with melted Swedish moose cheese and gold leaf?

Thank you in advance,
Ebu D. Katzenfett
Martha’s Vinyard

Wha?!

First of all, just because I was born in a supermarket and wear a grocery bag on my head doesn’t make me Mr. Food Guy! We got some other cat on this site for that stuff!

Secondly, you sir are a sick son of an expletive! Such flaunting of opulence went out of style as soon as Rome burned to the ground! This is a time for sharing and giving! People are in need!

Men and women die daily halfway across the world to protect your right to excess. So you want my humbling advice? Skip the party entirely. And rather than feed the egos and bloated stomachs of your “freinds,” why not do something for those who’re eating sand this holiday season – our troops abroad! That goes for all your friends and anyone reading. Here’s a small list of charities that can help you get the job done of helping them get the job done over there:

The USO – If you don’t know who they are or what they do by now, well, that’d be sad.
Cell Phone’s For Soldiers – Let our troops phone home this holiday season.
Wounded Warriors – Doing nice things for our wounded vets and their families
Military Working Dog Foundation – Because it’s not only humans risking life and limb for our security.

Thirdly, yuk! You can’t go wrong with franks and beans, man!