Score One For Our Side

Spam ‘fighter’ wins court battle

At last, at last, a court with some sense. In this world of globalization, it is usually business that prevails over anyone who tries to stop them. Usually because judges can be bought. Big money can do that, its both a law of nature and in the bible someplace…

However, little did the company in question realize the double-edged sword that is Spam. Oh sure it looks attractive.

Ah SPAM, who wouldn’t want to open something marked with FWD or ADV, or maybe even XXX. Free key chains dangle like carrots on sticks to those bleary eyed souls opening their mail accounts at 3am.

The glitz and the glamor of a Ron Popeil or a Billy Mayes right there on your monitor, ah yes its heaven. 500k worth of deals you could never live with out. Why I’m gonna go out and get a house just so this sarah375685967@blahoo.com can get me a great deal on a mortgage.

Wait 500k? But my box, its only 1MB big. My great Aunt Gretchen in Antarctica is about to die and I’m waiting for her mail, Oh no, my box it jammed. Damn you SPAM!!!!!! Damn your 250 free business cards or your bargain peep shows. DAMN YOU ALL TO HECK!

I guess the judge in question had an aunt Gretchen too. Well, she did not pass away in vain…

All take this precedent and do something… its time to turn the tables on the spammers. Just don’t attempt this over here in the American Courts… most of our judges don’t have the Internet and are still quite partial to the bible.

The Samsara of Ham On Rye

To find the true meaning of the universe, one must ponder their bowl of cereal. Of course, you may consult the toast, but you will not get the stock quotes on the 3’s.

With this, one will discover two things:

The first is that the chickens are not what they seem. No, they are in fact owls.

The second is the secret of can openers… There is no secret really, just keep your eye on the ball and swing. Of course, if your can slices its home fries for you opponent. If you get hit by a pitch, however, then you must consult the cereal, which starts the cycle over and over again.

Thus the Samsara of Ham On Rye…

Of course if you are Kosher, this is all moot…. Kosher people must be aware of the Kuggle Chaos Theory: Which states that the potatoes will rise against the proletariat, who they themselves are rising in the east and setting in the north.

Many years ago I preached to chatrooms about the Samsara, but no one listened then. See what has happened since! Think about it…

And So It Begins

I guess there is no other way to kick off this thing then rambling on and on and on…

One day I was a passing this old barn, ya see, and the old farmer (I assume he was and old farmer… who else would own an old barn?) came out of nowhere (which is a figurative term since nowhere doesn’t have a door way or window from which you can come out of…) Anyhoo, and he grabs my arm (which although was rude, there are ruder places to grab a body), spins me around and stares me down with his glass eye. It was more like a marble really… It was easy to tell, it was larger than a normal eye and had swirly colors in it. Plus it was in the hand that wasn’t attached to my arm. So, he’s waving this marble around at me and then something weird happens (now?)… he speaks: “Son, making love is like blasting stumps from the ground. It don’t matter how much dynamite you got, its where you put it.” After saying that, I felt it was in my best interest to leave. Refusing to let go (which is pretty good for an old farmer who was in about as poor a shape as the old barn) I poked him in the marble and ran for the hills, which was a long ways a way this being plains-country….

The Four Feathers (2002)

When I first heard there was going to be another Hollywood rendition of this classic film, I was less than enthusiastic. Actually, my sole purpose for going was simply to find out how poorly they’d botch it up so I could lambaste them about it on this fine establishment we call an otter. Well, they certainly showed me.

We headed out from my friend’s home in Keansburg, NJ to the movie house in Hazlet. Despite my coaxing she didn’t speed… this time. We arrived and shelled out the $5.50 for the tickets, then got some popcorn and a soda, since we forwent dinner to see the film. "This ought to be rich" I thought to myself expect stomach-churning nonsense from moment one. Having seen an earlier version of "The Four Feathers" I knew what it was about and what to expect from it.

Their dating for the British Re-conquest of the Sudan was off by about ten years, however, they did do some homework on what sorts of arms, munitions, and uniforms would be worn and had by the British Army in 1885. Ok, one feather in their cap. But would they stick to the storyline of the book? Well, sort of.

Yes, a soldier’s fear of cowardice essentially lands him in hot water with his friends and fiancée. This bit of contention leads to them presenting him with the feathers (one from each of them) a form of social ostracism, which accompanied cowardice in British society. From this he sets off to make things right and prove he’s not a coward, or die trying. After that, as typical of Hollywood, they make drastic and sweeping changes.

Entirely new characters (ones which hadn’t been present in the earlier version I saw) mysteriously popped up. Entirely new scenes added, or minor scenes embellished upon. This wasn’t entirely a bad thing; scenes, which were blown over earlier due to budget constraints, could be drawn out a bit more. Battle scenes were enhanced.

All in all, it wasn’t bad. Could it have been better, oh most assuredly it could have. It also could have been a million times worse and for what it’s worth, I’m surprised Hollywood did so well with it. My hat’s off to them. Now if they ever do a remake of "Zulu" and try to pull this sort of thing with that film, I’ll raise an army of highly agitated British and Common Wealth thugs and raze Hollywood to the last director.

I’ll give it three flying squirrels at the trap range. Not too bad, but there’s room for improvement.