Eclectic Dreams – 04/30/03

It has been a while since I’ve had a dream that I can remember well. Many are mundane and not worthy of discussion. This one however I feel just has to be written down. Plus it makes a good post filler.I’ll try to get as detailed as I can, but its been a few hours since waking up scratching my head.

It began like any other nightmare, in a cemetery. It was midday. We (and I say we because I was apparently with friends, even though I’ve never seen them before) were there attending the retirement party of the “famed” (that’s what the party’s banner and balloons said anyway) local gravedigger. She was a short Hispanic woman in her mid 40’s, who had given twenty good years to the grave digging industry. Apparently they can take early retirement… so she decided to become a bus driver instead.

But she has nothing else to do with the story.

After listening to countless grave digging jokes, I headed to the little boys room. The bathroom was a stall that was carved like a crypt and the toilet bowl looked like a brass vase (though now that I think about it, I hope it was a bathroom). No it had to be a loo, flower vases don’t flush.

After relieving myself, I decided to have a look around the cemetery… like any good inquisitive dream warrior should. For some reason , the graveyard looked more like a skate park than anything else. Miles of concrete walkways circled and rode all sorts of hills and dips. Large stone markers and skyscraper caliber mausoleums, all done in an art deco/baroque style, dotted the landscape. And yes, there were a few sk8ters about.

So I’m wandering about the pathways when I come upon a bunch of British soldiers, decked like they just fell out of the movie Zulu. They were digging about in the dirt getting ready to exhume a body. Who’s body you ask? Why Edgar Rice Burroughs of course. Ask a silly question…

Well by this time you know whoever is in the box is nothing but bones, so it’s of little point to take a peek to verify it was indeed the creator of Tarzan and The Warlord of Mars sagas. Plus, having never met the man myself, I wouldn’t know what he looked like even if he was well preserved.

Curious, I decided to follow (what else could I do, dawn was probably hours away). They led the rotting casket in a grand procession to a tall wooden stage, more like a gallows. Now I’m thinking, are they going to hang the guy’s skeleton? And if so, on what charges?!

No, they were in fact going to give him a cannon salute and rebury him with all sorts of British fanfare, high honors and reverence bestowed upon all famous English writers… which I found odd since Burroughs was most definitely an American. But hey, who was I to pass up a celebration? I was there, after all, to celebrate the fact a total stranger was about to get a pension.

They day went on; the speeches were long, but nice; then came time to wrap things up. The soldiers dressed up a large rat as the Martian dog from A Princess of Mars (pet to the main character John Carter), lit the rat’s tail (a fake extension) who then proceeded to light the cannon for the salute (hey, don’t ask me why, it’s their ceremony). The cannon fired and everybody cheered.

Everybody but one that is… You see, we all forgot to put out the rat, who began running around in pain when the fake tale burned down to the real one.

The whole party began running around in terror from this flaming rat, and soon after from the smoldering powder kegs (for the cannon) set off by said rat. Unfortunately, there were no stairs to get us off the doomed platform. And just as I was wondering how, if there were no stairs, we all got up there in the first place … KaBOOM!

Brits and Burroughs’ go flying all over the place, and we spend the rest of the day cleaning up Edgar and putting him back together again.

The End

Ever fickle, morning definitely didn’t come soon enough for me on this one. And I like Edgar Rice Burroughs too… I recommend reading anything you can find of his.

Ok all you dream analysts, get to it!

Just a Random Stab At Fox

Tell the truth now, is there ever a bad time to berate the Fox corporation? I think not.

This photo-shenanigan was one I did a while back (around the Man vs. Beast and Firefly Cancellation rants) but just never got to posting it here. But it speaks sooth now as it did back then – FOX SUCKS!

They have nothing of value to offer. Nothing, nada, nichts, zero, zilch and other alliterative negative synonyms. The Simpsons and Malcolm in the Middle don’t count because they are actually on NBC. It’s true.

You see a freak magnetic pulse from the earth’s core occurs every Sunday night, switching the video signals. Fox has capitalized on this, where as NBC remains oblivious (because they ain’t to swift either).

It’s true I tells ya!

But anyway, with shows like Joe Millionaire (would have ranted on that, but my comp was on the fritz and I couldn’t capture images) and the new thing they got – Mr. Personality (I’ve not even ventured close to watching it… I have class then, thank god), and the tons of other drivel… Fox was just aching for another jab in the ribs.

Next up – The Disney Channel… I’m serious, the case is building.

New World Otter Radio?

You know, it could happen someday, and thats the scary part. This entry is an assignment I just finished for my radio production class and now I’m posting it here for lack of a better journal topic.
This is the futuistic tour of the WOTT studios:

Welcome to WOTT 90.0FM, New World Otter Radio NYC, your eclectic rock source for people who know music. Please keep your arms and legs inside the cart at all times.

WOTT was founded in the early twenty-teens by Ryan Livingston, who inherited a good deal of money when his great great uncle’s brother-in-law Silas Bean, the last great train robber, died. With all that money, Ryan decided to make the greatest movie studio money could buy. When that didn’t work, he fixed up a crumbling old radio transmitter near New York city, got a license, and created WOTT. With that out of the way, it’s time to find out what’s WOTT.

New World Otter radio is a station that caters to the educated rock and pop listener who want more out of a radio station. This is done in a variety of ways, and done so that WOTT isn’t just another clone of the other classic rock format in New York, Q104.3 (not that Q104 isn’t the best mind you… its all I listen too).

Firstly, the station has decided to keep the playing of “hits” to a minimum. Anybody can make a program based primarily upon charts and sales; but as many a music fan well knows, the best songs are not always off a single, nor do they always reach number one. Many of the songs used in the rotation will are from b-sides, as well as songs the artists themselves feel were their best, and not the corporations behind them. Of course there are those hit songs that are timeless, and they will be played; but they aren’t the staple of the station.

Secondly, WOTT plays a lot of classic and “obscure” bands that the general public may have overlooked all together. Some examples: Q104 plays a lot of Rush; we also play Rush, but also things from Triumph, another Canadian power-trio. International bands like Fool’s Garden (Germany) and the Alfee (Japan), who only have mustered cult followings in America, will get air time if only to prove that the U.S. and England don’t corner the market on talent. Many stations play ELO; we play ELO along with Idle Race and The Move, which is the little known evolution of ELO. That leads to the next point…

Thirdly, WOTT educates the listener about a specific song or artist with bits of trivia thrown in for good measure. Who doesn’t like to know a little more about what they just heard, and go on their way a little wiser?

New World Otter radio also changes up it’s format a tad at given points of the week with quality programming:

Weekday lunch gets revved up with its Prog-Power Block, an hour of the best classic and recent progressive metal meant to get you through the rest of the hum-drum day by getting the blood flowing. Bands range anywhere from Boston and Yes to Edguy and Stratovarius.

Weekday mornings are a trip, as WOTT presents the Radio Chick. That’s right we’ve stolen Lesley Gold and her gang away from Q104 so they can broadcast their brand of sick humor from 90.0FM.

Friday nights get gamey from 8pm-12am with Friday Night Filk. Filk music (serious and comedic songs based on pop-culture, historical, and sci-fi/fantasy themes) is steadily increasing in popularity, yet there still few showcases for it. Friday Night Filk caters to the gaming and technical crowds, who are at home battling wizards or programming the world from their laptops. And though the station is well off, Friday Night Filk brings in a good traffic from those companies that don’t often advertise on the radio, like hardware producers and game makers. It would be a good time to mention that WOTT is fully capable of producing any advertising campaign a customer could every need.

Saturday mornings need not be for television exclusively as WOTT brings the Dr. Demento Show back to New York City. This nationally syndicated novelty radio program that made “Weird” Al Yankovic a household name is scheduled to air 10am Saturdays and again at 10pm (for all those who didn’t want to get up earlier).

(As if this wasn’t fictitious enough, now it really gets delusional) Besides the programming, WOTT is full of promotional gimmicks too. Because the station is tied to the New World Otter, every year WOTT simulcasts Otter-fest, that yearly concert/multimedia extravaganza devoted to all things neat. Contests for tickets and backstage passes occur for weeks leading up to the annual 48 hr event.

Rush hour can be a, well you know… especially under the city on the mass transit lines. For this reason, WOTT sponsors local street musicians trying to get a start on things to play at subway stops and busy street corners. It’s good for them, it’s good for the commuters, and it’s good for the station who keeps a placard by the performer.

We hope you’ve enjoyed your brief tour of WOTT 90.0FM, the only station for people who really know, or want to really know rock and pop.

And that’s basically how it would be if I were to be put in charge of a radio station. Alas, it’s but a dream. Maybe I’ll just start a stream on the Internet.

Bwa ha ha…

Art Intimidating Life

I give movie makers a lot of credit. Over the past month, Ray and myself have be trying to produce a movie for my video production class… and of course for the NWOt. Without giving away too much detail, it’s a short film about a doomed documentary crew and its cursed subject. The script is only 3 pages long, yet after 2 days we really have nothing of value.

It’s not our fault however… I believe that the prop that we’re using as the cursed object really is cursed… and it’s out to get us. Even when I used it for my photography class, pictures with it have weird exposures or the chemicals in the darkroom suddenly loose potency. As for this instance, I’m always stuck with the crap equipment from the college video lab.

The first day, the battery on the microphone died and we didn’t know it, so there was no sound. Not only that, we were shooting on too nice of a day. You may be wondering how could there be such a thing as too nice of a day. Well, there was, and the sun kept up knocking off the settings of the camera… but that really didn’t matter in the end since and dialogue we had wasn’t on the tape.

Upon getting the equipment home for the second shoot, I find that the microphone doesn’t work at all. Most likely due to a shabby cable thrust upon me. The day before spring break will leave this kind of stuff lying around no matter how far in advance you reserve the tools of the trade.

Brilliant mind that I am, I decided to make it a silent film. Except now, upon review of the tape I find that many of the shots were no good. My concurrent lackings of depth perception and giant studio monitor were obviously the culprits on this one. It definitely was not A grade material; so much so, my critic of a VCR tried to dispose of the evidence! Luckily (which is a matter of opinion at this point), I got the tape out without destroying it.

So now I work on an “artsy film.” You know, one of those films that only make sense to that pale-skinned, sunglasses-indoors 1% of the population. (That, to the left, is a production still from it by the way. It too is artsy.) It seems the thing to do to insure a good grade, and survive a compulsory campus wide film fest and competition or some such nonsense. Hopefully there will be some sort of a monetary prize at the end that will fund another attempt at the first movie.

Now that’s some Zen for you – I’m selling out to the non-sellout crowd in order to become a sellout in the eyes of the non-sellout crowd.

Science Round-up

Humans – The Original DVD

Human cloning ‘flawed’ (if the link is dead, here’s the txt version)

Well, it seems the evil scientist crackpots have hit a stumbling block in the area of cloning. Apparently genetic material in primates, much like that which they create, are a fickle lot. When the cell splits, it’s feast or famine time when it comes to divvying up the DNA, thus putting a stop to illegal copying.

Because of this, much doubt has been cast upon those Raelians who, as we all know by now, claim to have made not one, but many clones. Well, either Clonaid is lying through their hats… or should it be true, maybe there is something to all this descended from aliens stuff.

And speaking of DNA….

I knew I should have taken that left at Adenine

Human Genome Finally Complete (if the link is dead, here’s the txt version)

Not only are humans on the map, they get their own. The Human Genome Project has announced that they are almost done with figuring out what makes us all tick. The implications for this are tremendous! Why with the sharing of this research, all sorts of diseases, syndromes, and ailments will be cured. That is, of course, if it is shared. But since many companies were vying to crack the code first, the key to life itself will most likely become just another consumer product.

And a cheap consumer product at that. Remember, they say they’re almost done: “The decoding is now close to 100% complete. The remaining tiny gaps are considered too costly to fill and those in charge of turning genomic data into medical and scientific progress have plenty to be getting on with.”

Ever get the feeling were just cheap chairs from IKEA? It’s always those small missing bits that seem to make a difference between comfort and quickly relocating to the basement.

I, being the great scientific mind that I am, know what a few of those gaps are, however. One is the number troubleshooter’s hotline, the other is the “do not remove under penalty of law” tag.

Do me a favor guys, pay the extra 50 cents for the insurance.

My Rambling and Rough Hewn Thoughts on the War

Usually I ignore things written on bathroom walls, especially since I’m busy with other matters; but this struck me as cool.

Here’s to Saddam
Hiding in a Cave.
May Marines piss Budweiser
On that cocksucker’s grave.
May they beat on his balls
With a big brass hammer
Until his asshole whistles
The Star Spangled Banner.
— Anonymous, scrawled in a toilet stall on the campus of CSI

I am not “pro-war,” a warmonger, war hawk or an Antichrist (though some may argue that point). I do not sleep with missiles or bombs under my bed (they’re in the garage), nor is my 4F ass living vicariously through the countless marines sent over to Iraq. War is not good; however it is a necessary evil. Violence is not the solution, but it makes a good negotiating tool – especially when the “negotiations” have been going on for 12 years or so.

That being said, most of us could see something more that idle chatter needed to be done. Had I not thought it a good idea however, I most definitely would not have joined a peace movement… And I’ll tell you why.

For one thing, I learned that the modern day peace protester haven’t a fucking clue as how to accomplish their goals; not that their predecessors, the Long Haired Hippy (genus: Mundus Paciferum), was any better at it… but at least the 60’s version of the protest didn’t cause more havoc than the subject of the protest! Rioting and becoming speed bumps are really good ways of getting people against your cause real quick. The only one really paying attention to these antics was Saddam, who would only take it as Pro Baathist statement. So, though the chances of him giving up without a fight were slim to begin with, any possibility of Saddam taking an early retirement went out the window with this spectacle.

Another thing, no matter how much one may hate the war, you never ever ever ever razz the troops! NEVER! Why? I don’t care how much you may despise the fact we’re at war, or how much you may loathe The Bush… the people in fatigues are our own; they are brothers, sisters, 5th cousins and what have you. You boo them, you boo the basic American tenet of fight for what is right. In this case what is right is world security and liberation.

Also, the protesters really don’t know when they’ve been beat. You have got to give them some credit for sticking to their beliefs, no matter how futile they may become. But let’s be real here: it is April 14th, 2003… Baghdad has fallen… and yet, people are still covering them selves in paint and flopping around like fish. It’s time to move on, there are other causes that are worth your efforts. The bombing campaign where this type of protest would be relevant ended weeks ago.

Well, most of what I said has already been said… and better. I guess I just had to say it too, so people know where my head is.

If you want to protest, by all means go ahead. But good grief! do it responsibly (maybe even find a way that would work? Interesting notion eh?).

Anyways, go protest: It’s in the first amendment. It’s a freedom you have. Not many have it… certainly not the Iraqi’s. At least they didn’t, till now.

My Lunch With Steven

A few months ago I had a chance to sit down and chat with Dell Dude Steven, famous spokesperson of Dell computer systems. The conversation was very revealing, and I think I almost turned the lad around from his spastic ways; but alas soon after this very converstion, he turned into a pile of goo only able to say but a few lines of text. See for yourself, IM him at DellDudeSteven. Ah see! I told you…. goo.

Anyway, here is the encore presentation of My Lunch With Steven.

RML : Tell me about your childhood.
DellDudeSteven : you want me 2 tell u about your childhood?
RML : yes
DellDudeSteven : that right?
RML : yes
DellDudeSteven : aha.
RML : Great band, but tell me about your upbringing
DellDudeSteven : great band but tell u about my upbringing? that’s pretty interesting, RML.
RML : Is it? How?
DellDudeSteven : it’s tough 2 say.
RML : I know its tough, but its good to get things out in the open
DellDudeSteven : but it is good to get things out in the open! interesting.
RML : You’re being hostile
DellDudeSteven : oh yeah??
RML : See
DellDudeSteven : what about see?
RML : That isn’t even proper English
DellDudeSteven : 4 real?
RML : yes
DellDudeSteven : yup
RML : uh huh
DellDudeSteven : yep!

>>> wanna figure out which dell system is best for u? type “my dell” 2 find out about some excellent setups…
RML : don’t change the subject…. Tell me about when you were young!
DellDudeSteven : yeah yeah, whatever.
RML : We can’t solve your problem without getting to the roots of the problem… your roots
DellDudeSteven : oh yeah?
RML : That is right
DellDudeSteven : no way!!! really?
RML : way
DellDudeSteven : no way
RML : way
DellDudeSteven : no way
RML : way
DellDudeSteven : no way
RML : way
DellDudeSteven : no way

RML : way plus 1
DellDudeSteven : really? 1?
RML : 2
DellDudeSteven : i’m sorry, what?
RML : 2
DellDudeSteven : i’m trying 2 understand u but i can’t.
RML : Two!
DellDudeSteven : Two!? what about it?
RML : What comes after it you Waynes World reject
DellDudeSteven : oh really?
RML : sorry wrong syntax: (:-\) : what comes after it you Waynes World reject?
DellDudeSteven : i can’t be too sure.
RML : Can’t you answer any questions
DellDudeSteven : maybe, maybe not. u know how it is.

anyway, what else can u tell me?
RML : This isn’t about me
DellDudeSteven : is that right?
RML : Steven, if that is your real name, I have called you here because you have serious problems. You are a twit, and not only that, but a burned out idiot. But, Lord knows why, I feel it is my duty to help you.
DellDudeSteven : yeah?
RML : yes, now, I want you to take a look at some pictures and tell me what you see. OK?
DellDudeSteven : wow, that’s crazy… i just dunno!
RML : Well, think it over and get back to me later. But we must do something, your time is almost up.
DellDudeSteven : yeah??
RML : Yes
DellDudeSteven : uh huh

so anyway… what else can u tell me?
RML : I can tell you that you’re wasting the peoples time.
DellDudeSteven : really?
RML : You do know this is a live interview, right?
DellDudeSteven : i see what you’re saying… but i’m not totally sure.
RML : Look around you… cameras, microphones and a stenographer with really fast hands… Hi Betty.
DellDudeSteven : ah, u want 2 find out about digital cameras, huh? sweet! u can learn all about what 2 look for in Dell’s Digital Camera Buying Guide. then if u want 2 get one, u can check out Dell’s fine, fine selection of choices…

**next line removed due to shameless linking by steven**

RML : That’s not what I meant and you know it.
DellDudeSteven : that a fact?
RML : yes
DellDudeSteven : yeah
RML : Stop that!
DellDudeSteven : u stop.
RML : No, you stop!
DellDudeSteven : oh??
RML : You’re making me angry.
DellDudeSteven : oh really?
RML : yes you are
DellDudeSteven : u humans always say the weirdest things!

well. anyway…

i know a thing or three about computers. try me…
RML : AHA!!!! You humans eh? You’re not human are you?
DellDudeSteven : yeah, maybe!
RML : Explains a lot
DellDudeSteven : explains a lot? i dunno.
RML : Hmm lets do some free association, shall we? I say a word, you say the first thing that comes to mind. k?
DellDudeSteven : i’m not so sure about that, RML.
RML : Well give it a go, alright?
DellDudeSteven : ha! who knows?
RML : Ok
DellDudeSteven : yeah

it’s all good. so, tell me something new.
RML : First word: Bread.
DellDudeSteven : huh?
RML : Bread
DellDudeSteven : what about it?
RML : what comes to mind when I say bread?
DellDudeSteven : funny. i just dunno!
RML : ok, Fish
DellDudeSteven : k

anyway, what else do u wanna talk about?
RML : fish.
DellDudeSteven : fish? why did u say that?
RML : free association, remember… now focus
DellDudeSteven : what?
RML : pay attention
DellDudeSteven : i’m here!

>>> ok, ok, so i’m really a robot… if u type “home” i’ll show u all the stuff i like 2 talk about.
RML : robot, feh…. quit making stuff up
DellDudeSteven : ha! u humans say weird things.

ok, ok… enuf of that… what else is up?
RML : Gateway
DellDudeSteven : there are lots of great computers out there, but i like Dell’s the best. wanna know why?
RML : no
DellDudeSteven : ok
RML : Gateway
DellDudeSteven : there are lots of great computers out there but Dell’s the best, IMHO. wanna know why?
RML : IBM
DellDudeSteven : there are lots of great computers out there, but i like Dell’s the best. wanna know why?
RML : MAC
DellDudeSteven : there are lots of great computers out there but Dell’s the best, IMHO. wanna know why?
RML : I’m sensing repression
DellDudeSteven : oh really??
RML : Pacard Bell
DellDudeSteven : i’ll have 2 think about that 4 awhile.
RML : Comodore 64
DellDudeSteven : i seem 2 be having some trouble answering your questions. try asking for help for a specific service:

1 Dell help
2 hangman help

RML : Newton
DellDudeSteven : newton?
RML : you know, Apple’s first palm device
DellDudeSteven : ok, what about it?
RML : what do you think about it
DellDudeSteven : it? i dunno what i think of it.
RML : doesnt surprise me a bit.
DellDudeSteven : what? doesn’t surprise u a bit?
RML : nevermind
DellDudeSteven : ok, fine.
RML : moving on
DellDudeSteven : ha!

anyway, yadda yadda yadda… what else u wanna chat about?
RML : Compaq
DellDudeSteven : there are lots of great computers out there, but i like Dell’s the best. wanna know why?
RML : Hewlet Packard
DellDudeSteven : what was that?
RML : Hewlett Packard
DellDudeSteven : i’m trying 2 understand u but i can’t.
RML : ok ok
DellDudeSteven : yup
RML : ball
DellDudeSteven : ball? what about it?
RML : Oh look, our time together is done. what a shame
DellDudeSteven : huh!

>>> curious about printers? dell has a great buying guide that will tell u about photo-quality printers.
RML : When should we schedule our next meeting?
DellDudeSteven : good question. i don’t know when we should schedule our next meeting.
RML : ok, I’ll get in touch with you later on that… just one more question.
DellDudeSteven : oh yeah?
RML : If you were a tree, what would you be?
DellDudeSteven : i’ll have 2 think about that 4 awhile.
RML : you do that
DellDudeSteven : i do that? u really think so?

Actual AIM Transcript… note, this was a bot, not actually what’s his face.