Archive for September 2003
I Have Seen the Apocalypse and His Name is Jamie
Did you ever have one of those days, you know, where you’re ridding the bus and you come across the embodiment of everything that’s wrong in the world? No? Well, friend, sit down and listen… His name is Jamie. And, I know his name is Jamie, because his mom kept yelling it out every minute…
Read MoreDuck Dodgers
I must admit, I was a bit skeptic about the show when it began its advertising campaign. Whenever the WB tries to capitalize on the old Looney Tunes, the venture usually ends in disaster and seems to be 100% pure recycled gags (e.g. shorts like 1990’s short subject “Invasion of the Bunny Snatchers,” and crap…
Read MoreCall Him Out, Not At Home!
Faithful and causal readers of this site both know how I feel about the FOX network. I have railed against their lack of taste and lack of judgment. However, I’ve never specified the FOX News Network in one of these attacks… till now. This week, FOX News shamefully broadcast the home phone number of CNN…
Read MoreThe Simplicity of Life
Life is not simple. In fact, it’s quite unnecessarily over-complicated. Think about it… billions of peptides randomly swirled together in a puddle, which then randomly formed billions of proteins which then randomly walked ashore in the form of a being so chemically complex that they only now found the recipe. It was stuck to the…
Read MoreThe Journalist’s Responsibility
I have come to the conviction that anything I can publish on what will perhaps one day become my life’s work and/or legacy, is worth at least a B at a city college… and visa versa. That being said, I release to you an essay hot off the DeskJet (though with better print quality). It’s…
Read MoreGroup Therapy
A growing craze with college professors is the idea of groups; I like to call them “aggregation of silent gawkers.” These cabals usually consist of 1-2 mute brains and 1-infinity equally mute onlookers; forced together by location or alphabetical commonality, and united under one cause – appease the ringmaster. Well, the system doesn’t work. And…
Read MoreThere and Back Again, and There Again Yet Again, Chapter II
I can always tell when school is about to begin – my legs hurt. It’s like and old war wound that heralds the coming hurricane. I just can’t explain it; and it happens right before each semester since my high school days. I can move around 200lb picnic tables for days on end (to which…
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