Validating My Parking

One of my meager goals in life is to one day have someone, anyone, quote me… and quote me correctly with proper citation, etc. It doesn’t have to be taken in context; nothing worth noting ever is taken in context. Nor does it have to shed upon me a positive light; the citation could be used as fodder for all I care (another often seen case when it comes to notable sayings). Either way, it shows I’ve made an impression somehow.

It must sound like a terribly egotistical request, but we’ve all had this yearning. Even the most humblest of souls – those who “mysteriously” donate millions, cure the world’s diseases at their own health’s expense, or save starving orphans from burning churches – claiming to do good deeds out of pure kindness still have a thought or two in the back of their heads concerning how will it all reflect on them when the newspaper arrives.

There’s nothing to be ashamed of about this. Gaining attention is human instinct. When we’re young, we cry in order to gain the undivided attention of parents (or perhaps child services these days). When we get older, we yelp in pain when we trip or stub a toe whether or not it actually hurt. The list goes on.

Just remember, anything worth doing is worth doing to impress. That way, it’s sure to have a load of pride and 110% effort backing it. Surely that’s a good thing.

Why, fire only was discovered by great, great, great∗√∞-grandpa Og just to get the interest of a girl. “Ug ug ug ook blef,’ I’m sure he said. Loosely translated that equates to, “For you I capture the sun and imprison it in our livingcrag.” To which she replied, “Ug.”

Science Round-up 11/13/03

Taking Face

Face Transplants Now Possible – BBC News / Clipped Article

Quothe the article – “The prospect of transplanting a face from a dead person to another living person was first raised by plastic surgeons one year ago. (BBC News)” And so it is done, and in only one years time. Wow, who knew medical science can still advance so quickly. Maybe someone should propose a cure for cancer or AIDS, or even, dare I say… the common cold?

It seems to me, and has seemed to me ever since I could think straight, that if it isn’t lucrative then fuck it. Here the plastic surgeons lobby has won yet again and LA gets a boost in the pocketbook. Sure, it’s supposed to help disfigured people… but we all know where it’ll go. Biographical movies can be made right after the subject’s death… and there’d be no need to find a look alike. Just staple the death mask on.

Why there hasn’t been a boon like this to the beauty industry since, well a few months ago when we invaded Iraq. Who else would benefit from the seizure of hundreds of botox depots?

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Holy Hopping Heck

Kangaroos Run Riot Near Paris – News.com.au / Clipped Article

When pets get too big for our tastes, we dump them. New York as gators in the sewers; France has kangaroos in the trees…?! Score one for the French; they actually beat us at being over the top for once.

But you have to look at it this way: Australia is obviously trying to get its revenge, and it’s about time. The world dumps on them feral cats and dogs… they reply with feral kangaroos.

Let’s just hope this trend doesn’t catch on to, say, the Veldt. I really don’t need to be chasing rhinos out of my rosebush.

(as for my little headlines, you come up with better in an overcrowded computer lab!)

My Traditional Brownies and Meat Pies

Every November at the Calvary Presbyterian Church, SI NY, there is an event called the Thistle Fair. It’s your typical church basement fair but with a Scottish twist. There are tables for toys, books, and an “attic” table full of second hand stuff that is the same year to year. I figure why buy when you can visit the stuff.

There is a baked goods table where I am forced to buy brownies. It’s hard to find good brownies these days. So, when the opportunity to buy granny-issue homemade brownies is present, you’ve got to leap at it no matter the cost. Plus it’s always nice to grab up the last three on the table before they vanish. No matter what time you get there, there are only three brownies left.

Every year I go. It’s ritual. I’m Irish and Scottish. There aren’t many things celebrating the Scots, so you’ve got to leap at that too. Plus, in addition to the brownies, I go for Scottish Meat Pies. They’re not the easiest to get, but well worth it. The fair organizers have connections.

In recent years however, the fair has dwindled. The spirit has left. The plywood castle facade that gets erected year after year was up, but it was dull and saggy.

The fair used to be an entire weekend deal, with a Fish & Chips dinner to kick the whole thing off the Friday night before. This year just one day, a Friday… with the Fish & Chips to signal the end. That is if anyone shows.

Last year the fair just wasn’t.

The Christmas table that was manned by little old Scottish ladies – where I’d buy little trinkets for mom – was missing. Odd for a Christmas fair. As for the rest of the tables, they’ve been taken over by the flea-market-economy… you know, when half the stuff is wholesale crap. Though there weren’t too many of those guys either.

And aside from the brownies and meat pies, the bake table was full of well-intentioned, but poorly made stuff. The chocolate cookies had the consistency of stale bread. I didn’t even touch the cupcakes.

It’s a shame. Obviously the church’s elders are dying off, my Nana and Pop (my dad’s parents) included. The are a few traditionalists in the younger generations are trying to keep it together, which is admirable.

But, people aren’t interested in church fairs anymore. “Why go to fairs when you got catalogs and the Internet,” I guess is the mentality. Either that or “it’s a waste of a Saturday?” Right, and the mall isn’t?

The Thistle Fair used to be wall-to-wall people; now they got it in one room, and you can swing a haggis around without hitting someone. Other fairs are doing just as well… the Egger Nursing Home Fair (a Nordic themed Xmas fair) was just as jaded.

There is something about church fairs that are neat, no matter what denomination or religion you are. For the most part they are just beatified garage sales… but they’re also community garage sales. For a brief moment you get to see people working together as a parish or group, and you almost feel a part of it too.

If you see a sign for an Xmas fair someplace, stop and buy a brownie. You’ll be helping an endangered species.