More Crap Than Your Stick Can Shake At

With the influx of bootlegs and the like, it comes at no surprise that the movie industry is now planning to reward DVD patrons with added doodads and goodies in addition to the tons of bonus features on the discs themselves.

However, as USA today reports, things go south real fast:

“The trend continues with a spiced-up version of the cult classic ‘Showgirls’ (due July 27) that comes with several party games, including “Pin-the-pasties-on-the-showgirl” – complete with pasties and a blindfold – and party favors such as ‘Showgirls’ shot glasses and playing cards.”

Of all the things to promote as the flagship – ‘SHOWGIRLS’!?

Zounds people! Are you trying to create another betamax debacle? Sure DVD’s are the biggest trend ever known to man with no clear end in sight; but ‘Showgirls’ can tear down anything! It has already claimed the careers of thousands of extras, sent Saturn out of orbit and begun the reversal of evolution… and that was the video release alone! Why add to the carnage by making Showgirls DVD memorabilia?! I ask you in the name of humanity… stop thine sinister plot!

‘Showgirls’ aside, this could be a great idea. Everyone loves free neat crap attached to other neat crap. But if ‘Showgirls’ is the shill, then does this mean only the turkeys will come with stuff? What’s next? ‘Gigli’ with a wad of $20s? I guess they gotta get rid of these things somehow.

Luckily though, had I read on, it’s not all turkeys slatted to get cool swag taped to:

“To help devotees of ‘Friends’ cope with the series finale May 6, Warner Home Video has released a ‘Friends’ Party Pack ($29.99, Target only), with the DVD The One With All the Parties, a music CD, a serving tray, recipes, coasters, Central Perk House Blend coffee and trivia cards.”

Still, ‘Friends’ is not much of a consoling force in my book.

Meanwhile, the music industry has taken a page movie industry by adding DVD’s to their CD’s. Too little too late I say. If they really want to endear themselves to the consumers, their gonna have to give away free coasters and crap too.

What’s that? The new Britney Spears album is a coaster. Oh… my bad.

An Open Response to “Jay”

In a response to Entry 60 – Cleaning the Lent Trap, an anonymous person named “Jay” wrote the following: “You are a real idiot! You must be a stupid Baptist whom can’t think for himself. Are you really that shallow?” Now, them’s fightin’ words if ever I heard them. I don’t like to back down from a challenge (at least when fists or guns are not in the picture). Yet, “Jay” left no contact info… so I am forced drop gloves and take this to the public arena in hopes he or she returns (which I know will never be the case). If not, I get a post that states more of my views. Win/win. Now I’m not sure on what point I was being called on, so I’ll cover it all.

First of all, I am a recovering Catholic. Had you have looked beyond this one post you may have gotten my mind set on things. But I don’t blame you; my blog gets dull from time to time. All you were looking for was “why I left the orthodox church.” Ok, I presume it was you, but that’s neither here nor there.

The fact that I broke away from that over ritualized and bureaucratic religion shows I “can think for myself.” I’ve grown up. I’ve shattered the illusion that, though the church may have good intentions (and you know what they make), it’s in for the sole saving of souls. See, many good “Catholic” values (as well as the “Protestant virtues”) were formed out of agendas… priests don’t marry because the church land would have passed to heirs; no red meat on Fridays because of the fisherman’s lobby to the pope way back when; etc.

But see, I believe in God’s word! Read – the dude up in heaven who made us, and gave us a messenger, his son Jesus, to save our souls. Now the closest thing we have to God’s word is the bible – both Old and New Testaments. My bible also includes other gospels from those who lived closer to Jesus’ time (like the gospel of Thomas). The church only uses 4 out of the possible 100′s (see, Jesus had fans), because they epitomize what the church would like to be based upon.

Now, I respect the Catholic Church, the multi-horde of Protestant churches out there and other western and non-western religions. They’ve all had their fair share of good ideas from time to time… but I pick and choose what I feel is right. See, the thing with so many congregations competing (fighting, rather) for God’s grace is that they either all have to be right somehow… or hell is getting really full.

In the bible, it has been made clear the God’s hates a hypocrite, hates liars and posers. I don’t pretend to be what I’m not. I don’t spend my Sunday’s with evil people who think getting in the first pew guarantees salvation. When I find a good flock, I go. My choice. To do otherwise is shallow.

Those who only go on Christmas and Easter because they feel duty bound to do so, then sit and pick their nose, let their kids play Gameboy, and think about what’s for supper are shallow. That’s shallow. That’s saying to God ‘yes, my body is where I ought to be, but I left my mind in the bathroom.” God doesn” t care where your corpse is! He wants to know where your mind is at and whether it’s doing his will. The body ain’t goin’ to heaven my friend – the soul is.

On to lent. Jesus said “do this in remembrance of me” at the last supper, then broke bread with his closest friends. I don’t ever recall him saying “hey let’s all give up something petty for 40 days, then force elementary school students to stand up in front of class and boast about it.” It’s all interpretation. Maybe the people you know are more pious than those I grew up with, but it has become apparent that the Lenten fast has become a novelty. Mardi Gras encourages the bulking up of what ever your about to give up like it’s pasta before a marathon. Faith and will guides a fast, not an overstuffed blood content.

Now, Jay… may I call you Jay? I’m sure that you have your own beliefs and whatnot. And even if they are of the spoon-fed doctrines some fundamentalist sect variety (otherwise you’d not use a denomination as an insult), I respect them. Whatever they are, I respect them… so long as they don’t get in my face. However, “You are a real idiot! You must be a stupid Baptist whom can’t think for himself. Are you really that shallow?”, is not a valid belief or opinion. It is an attack. It is a tossed stone against my person. Had you backed up that slap with some meat, well then that’s sort of ok. Had there just been the beliefs and no slap, that would have been welcome. I’m always up for new views. But this cowardly message makes you no better than what you presume I am.

As for the Kerry bit: IF fact – only one Roman Catholic president AND fact – ashes are most associated with Catholics THEN ashes on presidential candidate + average pea brained voter = one cooked goose. Just an observation.

And the reason I don’t like Kerry is not because he’s a Catholic, but rather he’s a typical democrat! And both typical democrats and typical republican irk the hell out me. He votes one way, then the other when it suits his image.

And what do we call that boys and girls? A HYPOCRITE!

Make it stop! Make it stop! Make it stop!

I Do It For the Sport

The thrill of the hunt is one of life’s little pleasures. Some prefer live game – deer, bears, cows, etc. That’s not for me. I’m no PETA freak, mind you. There’s just no challenge to it!

Live quarry is everywhere. You can step outside your door and shoot a pigeon. Hell, there’s no need to shoot them. You can walk right up to most animals and kick them. Not very sporting.

Plus it’s messy.

I am a neat stuff hunter. I prefer elusive artifacts to living creatures. It’s nice. For one thing, you don’t have to be a good shot. Nor must you carry air-conditioned/heated tents with flush toilets around in the woods. You can get away with just you… and maybe a sherpa.

And unlike animals, the truly prized artifacts do not come in herds. In some cases you’d be lucky to have two of the same item on the same seaboard. Now there’s hunting for you.

My game of choice is the wily childhood memory. Those things you had and were thrown out, or the things you wish you had (which would have probably been thrown out). 80s toys, music, games, shows are my passion.

There are many ways to hunt. Some are active searches – scouring various flea markets and garage sales. Other times you would come across something by chance (like me finding a used copy of Animalymics in a Walbaums checkout of all places).

That’s another benefit to the artifact hunter… you can do it without any pre-planning – you happen upon something, you get it. Can’t say the same for deer hunters. You happen upon a deer without your equipment, it laughs at you and scurries off.

Of course now things have gotten easier for the artifact hunter thanks to the digital age. It began with eBay, the old world marketplace of the world. If ever you need something, there’s probably someone with a large knife willing to haggle over it.

I’d say this would be akin to an indoor menagerie of exotic animals – it still takes a little skill to score, but you will eventually score.

Still, there is satisfaction when mail arrives and the rarity is yours. Anyone can have a moose head on their wall, how many can say the same of an original Star Wars theatrical poster?

Then came the DVD, and the hunt for so many things came to a close. That menagerie of exotic animals has been turned into a meat packing plant. Everything these days is being released onto DVD, from TV shows to 1970s B rated kung-fu zombie flicks. The era of hunting down home dubbed videos or the odd 16mm print is gone.

Not to worry though. The real benefit to neat stuff hunting is there will never be a shortage of rarities. Once the DVD glut is over, even digital videodiscs will become rare. People lose things, Moms throw out things, and things get traded.

When an animal population dies however, well, that’s all she wrote. You can’t bootleg a dodo.

And while the thrill of the hunt is good, there’s nothing wrong with enjoying the bountiful treasures while they’re new.

Junk Science Marches On!

Ok, so it seems that “they” are now saying that low carb diets aren’t good. The “they” in question are the proverbial “them,” who say such things.

Now it’s all about the fiber, baby. Eat stuff with high fiber and high carbs and you’ll feel fuller (thus tending not to eat as much), and you’ll have energy to burn the pounds off.

And they spend good money to tell us this stuff we already know. But we were all to afraid to disobey the Atkins overlords despite conventional wisdom.

Maybe we should just keep on doing what we’re doing. I mean, that’s the only advise left to “uncover” via “scientific” data, right?

Wrong… I have happened upon a new finding just but sitting a spell and thinking.

The new dietary craze – LEAD

Yes, lead!

You see, since the 1980s, the EPA has been cracking down on the levels of lead that is deemed “OK.” And since then, the number of obese people in the US has sky rocketed. And I have statistics:

According to the American Obesity Association, 14.4% of the population was considered to be obese during the period of 1976-1980. During that same period, 88.1% of children had elevated blood lead levels (Child Trends Databank).

Jump to the 1999-2000 period: 2.2% of children had elevated lead levels while the obesity level leaped to 30.5%.

Considering the fact that children grow up, it only follows that as the kids with low lead grew up to be people with high girth.

It’s all there, black and white, clear as crystal!

Disclaimer: lead is believed to cause neuromuscular disorders, so consult you physician before beginning a regimen of lead. Though, when you think about it, if you can’t bring your fork to your face, you won’t gain much weight.