Selling the Farm

It’s said that one of the most traumatic experiences in life is that of moving. Those in the younger age brackets worry about finding new playmates and a pizza place as good as the old hang out. The elders worry about finding a new job, a new rut to fall into, playmates and a pizza place as good as the old hangout.

But most traumatic is the selling of your house. It carries a lot of memories and now it’s being treated as just another building soon to be sold to who knows what. Actually, it’s not the fear of losing memories that’s the problem; it’s really just the oddities that come along with the whole process.

It starts first with shopping around for a broker – the dude(tte) in charge of getting people crazy about the house you seem willing to give up. They all seem to work for 4-5% the final selling price; 3% if you want to do all the work yourself (but at that point, why bother?). Don’t kid yourself – they are all in it for the commission, so it’s easy for your house to become nothing more than yet another paycheck to these people… so you’ll want to find someone willing kill for your house rather than treat it as another drop in the bucket.

So ends phase one… recover. Begin phase two – the permission phase. The is the part of the game where all the legal crap comes into the picture. This is where loopholes are formed and sealed in a flurry of paper pushing. You might as well toss all the forms up in the air and start waving your pen about hoping to hit something – it’d be faster and you’d have the same comprehension of them as if you sat down and read them.

The most pointless of these forms is some sort of full disclosure document. Here you must list any problems with the house that you have knowledge of – from a leaky roof to an alligator infestation in your basement. Once you fill out the form, you promise to fix all the problems; and should they crop up again after you sell, the new owners can sue you…. Or, you could just pay $250 bucks and let the buyer beware. Now there’s a nice bit of nuisance legislation from your local New York government.

Next comes the storefront phase – this is where the Realtor guides the potential buyers through your home while you play mannequin and blend in with the furniture. You just sit there with zipped lip as if nothing is going on as a guided tour is going on around you. You hear the realtor point out all the great things about the house you’re about to vacate. It’s enough to make one wonder why sell the place at all?

Then the jerks you call neighbors break the windshield of your Realtor’s Jaguar playing football… and it all becomes clear again. I gotta get out! Now!

And as always, when more develops, I’ll rant about it.

The No Spin Zone

If you’ve not heard of Bill O’Reilly by now, you wouldn’t be interested in The No Spin Zone. It isn’t for those who’ve been unconscious all their life. Though if you are the least bit concerned with the world around you, then by all means, continue.

Bill O’Reilly is a well-known (and to some, infamous) figure on the Fox News network. His show is the "O’Reilly Factor," a news/talk show rooted in a conservative base but gives all sides of the coin a fair deal. And it is this show that The No Spin Zone both draws its name and is concerned with.

The No Spin Zone is the segment of the O’Reilly factor that most guests dread and try to avoid being booked to. In Bill’s own words: "In the No Spin Zone rationalizations are scorned, lies are rejected, and equivocations are mocked. It’s a place where quite a few smirks have turned to frowns." In other words, there’s no wool to be pulled over people’s eyes. And it’s this type of reporting that shows O’Reilly has a good head on his shoulders.

The book, The No Spin Zone, is a collection of excerpts from the aforementioned segment and deal with the major issues of out times – from the corruption of children in various ways to tax evasion. And to do so, Bill interviews a wide array of characters, from the Rev. Al Sharpton to Dan Rather to George W. Bush. Of course, many of the celebrity guests have stand-ins like lawyers and publicists and the like to bear the brunt. And O’Reilly pulls no punches with them either.

The goal of the book is to present both sides of the argument via these excerpts and let the reader sort out who’s got it right. However, O’Reilly sprinkles in his own thoughts and commentaries throughout the interviews, which tends to bias the case somewhat. But if he didn’t, why buy the book? Right? It should come as no surprise though as he says clearly in the beginning, "…but hey, it is my book."

The commentaries in each chapter are often backed up by facts and figures. Those facts though tend to lose credit, as O’Reilly often fails to cite his sources in the articles or a bibliography. Still, it makes for compelling rhetoric that could make even anarchists step back and say "gee."

The final chapter is an afterward from journalist/novelist James Ellroy about how he "found" O’Reilly, and merely states his feeling on Bill in a character building manner. Interesting as it is, it’s just "there" in the book – neither really out of place nor really belonging there. It basically sums up the 3 versions of the O’Reilly factor – the show, the book (published previous to The No Spin Zone) and the man himself.

All in all a good read. Quick too. On the arbitrary NWOt scale of 1-6, I deem this a 5. Well written yes, but loses some points for not adequately citing sources. Not for my sake mind you, but it does give an enemy cannon fodder.

For already existing fans it’s just your everyday O’Reilly. For those averse to Bill O’Reilly – you still need to read this book because it’s always wise to know your opponents point of view… especially those who just hate him because it’s the chic thing to do. For all those just emerging from their caves and/or are interested in the affairs of the world this book is a good place to start. O’Reilly’s views are a tad right of center, but he does share a fair amount of the quote unquote progressive views making him one of the more centered people in the media today; and always it’s better to start conservative and work your way up to radical, therwise you’ll look like a hypocrite going the other way.

The No Spin Zone was first published in 2001 from Broadway Books as a hardcover and is now out in paperback as well.

Other books by Bill O’Reilly include – The O’Reilly Factor, Whose Looking Out For You, and Those Who Tresspass: A Novel of Murder and Television.

For more on O’Reilly, visit BillOreilly.com and/or watch him Monday-Friday at 8EST on Fox News.

Hearing Problems

I’ll be honest right up front. I did not watch all of Ms. Rice’s testimony the other day. I flipped past it a few times. I caught some highlights with and without play-by-play, blow-by-blow commentaries. And, quite frankly, that’s all I needed… and could stand.

And my conclusions are: Ms. Rice doesn’t know how to A) answer questions and B) lie all that well – both tasks needed to get a doctorate, which is why I do not and will not refer to her as “doctor.”

When someone asks you about a fact – for arguments sake something like, “what was the string of words written upon a rag mix of tree pulp destined to a person or persons in high positions of power?” – you had bloody well state the fact that was asked of you! You don’t go off on some sort of tangent about South American tree sloths and diet cola before you state the requested fact!

This is why a little man with a shotgun pointed at her crotch is needed – to stress the point, “Answer the freakin’ question!” At least hook up electrodes to the chair. Or at the very least hold her in contempt of court. Don’t just sit there trying to get to point in a patronizing manner. I’ve seen better interrogation a freakin’ ice cream social in the middle of My Little Pony land! Stand up and yell at the dirty c…! Well now, that got a bit harsh, didn’t it?

And please Ms. Rice… speaking whist holding your breath and furrowing your brow is such a third-grade-level tell. If you must be all defensive and BS us to death, then extend the common decency and be boldfaced about it.

But feh! What does it all matter in the end? It’s not like this whole thing is going to lead anywhere. It can’t while everyone is just pointing fingers and not owning up to anything. Sure you had Clarke, but he was an exception on many levels that I’ll not get into.

This whole hearing is just the Clintonians blaming the Bushers and the Bushers blaming the Clintonians… thus still leaving the question, “so whose at fault?” Was it the star-bellied sneetches or the sneetches with no stars upon thars?

Face it, when it comes down to it, both camps are just a bunch of sneetches – pot-bellied, ego-driven sneetches with fingers inadequate to grasp a ball firmly and run with it.

Sure, the Clintonians identified a problem and had laid out courses of action. Bravo. Do said actions! But, according to other Monday morning politicians, the Monica thing really got in the way of many of Clinton’s plans.

Surely though, if you approached to Republicans and asked to hold off the lynching till after the threats were dealt with they’d say “OK” right? Oh right, I forgot that blood was in the water, so I guess not. Still, the fate of the nation was in the balance. Presidents should be able to walk and fend off buzzards at the same time.

And what of the Bushers? Damnit people, give Bush the right paper work! There were things to do! Was it pride? Did you all want to come up with your own courses of action? Couldn’t you just have stolen some ideas and call them your own? Or are you all too morally up there to do such a thing? You’re not convincing anyone you didn’t see something coming!

In defense of Bush though, we know he has no say in the matter. Cheney was too busy moving the governmental kick back machine back from the Democrats’ to his pocket to be concerned with possible sleeper cells.

But again I say feh to the whole deal. All the finger pointing will not bring back 3000 souls, nor will it give any hints on how to prevent this thing from happening again. You see, they’ve done the air thing… it’s old hat. You have to remember, they have a lot of time on their hands to come up with new ways to kill us… they don’t have TV, you see.

Before I go, I’d like to touch on Iraq. It is believed that Bush wanted a reason to go in no matter the facts involved. I can believe that. A) It’s revenge for his father and B) Saddam needed a beating anyway. And since it seems that good nations can no longer invade bad ones without a good reason (like thumping on a madman isn’t a good enough reason).

So we did what ALL (ALL, EVERY, EACH, TODOS) government does – we made up something. Obviously things didn’t turn out like we had hoped. But damnit we’re trying!

Now the question is why did we leave our work in Afghanistan for this pit called Iraq? Well, frankly, we’re done in Afghanistan. Granted we didn’t get Osama (yet), but we did give them some sort of friendly democracy. As for the nation building afterwards,,, well brother, we can’t do it all!

See, sticking an Americanized infrastructure in the middle of a clay saucer wouldn’t really work. The people there have got to figure out what’s best for the area (other than a theocratic prickocracy). It’ll strengthen them better than a handout government.

Plus, we still have places like Appalachia and Newark… which proves we’re still learning too.