Who’s Looking Out For You?

Overview and Odd Witticisms

Bill O’Reilly returns and he’s just as outraged at injustice as he was
in The No Spin Zone. As always the last chapter or in this case the last
two chapters (plus the forward, but who reads those anyway, right?) get
a might preachy and self-helpy which could be a strength or a weakness,
depending on how you like your chocolate milk. The rest of the book addresses
just what the title implies, those that are looking out for your best
interests and those who are waiting to drop the proverbial anvil on your
head.

For a quick break down of those you should not regard highly as possible
candidates for your Christmas list (or Chanukah list, as the case may
be) make note of the following:

• The Federal Government – not only no, but they’d rather take
  your gift money and use it for entitlement programs or failed military
  projects like the Osprey (meanwhile successful projects like the Crusader
  collect dust on shelves).
• The Justice System – HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!! What justice system?
  But seriously, what Justice System?
• The Attorney General, John Ashcroft – Good luck in getting
  a reply with out the liberal usage of a four letter word.
• The Catholic Church – Only if you’re a lifer in the NAMBLA
  army of freak show swine.
• Minority Leadership – See the entitlement program section of
  the Federal Government.
• Hollywood Stars – Yes they will, but only if they can look
  good doing so; otherwise you’re on your own.

Want to know who is looking out for you? Buy the book, open it and
proceed to use the grey matter God or Natural Science gave you.

Now clearly O’Reilly is not for everybody, and if you are fairly partisan
I would suggest you refer to the litany of literary works by either Rush
Limbaugh or Al Franken, they should in theory match either left or right
devotee marvelously. Should you however, decide you want a mid-ground
common sense, non-politically motivated book of questions and answers,
O’Reilly should be given considerable thought.

Ratings and Rantings

Do not expect to find a long bibliography at the end of this book, after
all, there wasn’t one at the end of The No Spin Zone. O’Reilly does mention
name and source citations throughout this book, but offers no vast compilation
of websites and data charts for you to follow up on at the end. This of
course is a serious detriment if you dislike him because he’s a "liberal"
or a "conservative." But then again if you’re billing him as
either, you’ll find a plethora of things to discredit him about, regardless
of their actual truth.

Overall, he employs a reasonable amount of both right-leaning and left-leaning
strategies to cope with today’s serious problems. Because he is forthcoming,
and tackles problems head with no concern for the politically correct
rule of the day, I’m giving Who’s Looking Out For You? a 5. I’ll
dock him a point for neglecting a concise bibliography at the end. And
for Bill O’Reilly the man, a nomination for the 2008 U.S. Presidential
campaign.

For more on O’Reilly, visit BillOreilly.com
and/or watch him Monday-Firday at 8EST on Fox News.

The Case Against Lawyers

The Synopsis

Catherine Crier, CourtTV show hostess and former CNN anchor, has spotted a growing trend in America – Lawyers are running amuck. They’ve gotten their hands into everything; places you wouldn’t even think they’d be. The Case Against Lawyers shows you what’s going on behind our backs in the justice system.

The Execution

Go into the bookstore, pick up the book and read the intro and you’ve gotten the gist of this book. Laws have gotten absurd, over complicated and they cater to the rich and the stupid (too often hand in hand in my opinion). Rarely does anyone come out and say such things… which is why I read on.

Chapter 1 deals with the human race’s craving for order and laws… no matter how ridiculous they are. Everything has to have a warning on it these days, or else when stupidity strikes, lawyers clean up.

Next, Crier takes a look how the law, in it’s attempts to raise the bar to have all persons created equal, actually lowers standards so that everyone has to cater to the least common denominator. And so on.

Each is full chapter examples of stupidity and corruption in school systems and Capitol Hill; examples of how all blame is passed on and everyone’s a victim… all fueled by greedy officials and sanctioned by a crumbling legal system. It’s enough to make you cry when you think about it all. I did.

But cheer up; Crier proffers some ideas on how we can regain control of things – Civil courts, criminal courts and public policy all.

The Verdict (how ironic)

All in all, The Case Against Lawyers is intelligently written and provides a strong, non-partisan argument to the fact we’ve all know for years – the system is failing. And for those of you that don’t know it, this book’s gonna open your eyes. Even the most savvy of us could benefit from giving the case against lawyers a look.

The Case Against Lawyers is definitely a book that everyone needs to read. I give it a 5 out of 6 on the arbitrary scale. She makes sense.

The Case Against Lawyers is Bill O’Reilly approved.

Fleece You In September

You know what I find weird? (You find something weird? No, pray tell… what do you find weird?)

I’ll tell you – calendars that begin in September. (That’s it?) Yes, calendars that starts with September… of the previous year that is. Who needs this?

It can’t be for the benefit for those of us who use calendars… we have one already. It just means that one of the calendars, either the one already on the wall or the one waiting to be, will have 4 months not used. Such a waste.

Nor can it be for the benefit of those who don’t use calendars at all. They wouldn’t buy it in the first place. Non-calendar uses are stubborn like that. Even if one of their friends were to convince them to hop on the calendar bandwagon, it’s still not needed. I mean, they’ve already gotten along well enough without one – they can wait a few more weeks.

No one suddenly finds them self without calendar. They’ve got a whole year to prepare.

I’ve been looking around for a new calendar for a bit – stationary stores, department stores, and even those odd calendar kiosks in the mall; the average price at all of them is about sixteen bucks. (So what?)

Well look at the months covered by a September start calendar: September, October, November, December, January, February, March, April, May, June, July, August, September, October, November, December. Sixteen months. Coincidence? I think not.

Ok all you crooked calendarsmiths… we’re on to you. Cut it out. The years are long enough as they are!

The Last Samurai

Overview and Wise Cracks

In the Mid- to Late- 1870s Japan decided it was time to join the modern world and opened its ports to Europe and America. Towns grew, people adopted western dress, and democratic ideas infiltrated modern life. One might suspect that it was all milk and honey for everybody on board. Unfortunately this was not the case, and the elite society of warriors known as the samurai protested greatly, so greatly that they were largely outlawed by the emperor.

Enter Edward Zwick and Tom Cruise. Mr. Zwick, the director of this film, tells the story of a modernizing and emerging Japan from the point of view of one samurai and his clan who stand in open defiance of all things new and technological. Senior Tom plays an American Army captain hired by Japanese government officials to train their largely conscript army in the use of firearms and modern warfare. The idea is that this "expert" military training will help them to put down a rebellion started by one disgruntled samurai, and in the course of their first battle Cruise is taken prisoner. His stay as guest of the rebel village culminates in his active involvement in the rebellion and in the final pivotal battle between modern government and archaic samurai forces.

Ratings and Rantings

This movie is very long and largely in depth, so I recommend fully that you make use of the History Channel’s History v. Hollywood documentary on the second special features DVD disk. Also, it would help not to drink lightly before starting this movie. On action, drama, and even comedy it delivers strongly and on people being butchered horrifically, well, it’s bloodier than The Four Feathers, that’s for damn sure. I recommend it to any one with a few hours to kill on a rainy day, or a Sunday you’d prefer to avoid church. Final rating: 6.

Shadow of the Vampire

It’s the early 20th Century, the Allies have won the First World War and the German cinema is starting to pick up. In this environment, Nosferatu is made. Shadow of the Vampire is a dark comedy about the filming of Nosferatu. There is considerable concern as to the film’s leading actor (the vampire) since he’s a might eccentric. That is to say, he’s a little too convincing at his role. Then, people start disappearing. Quite possibly one of the funniest conversations in the film is between the director and the vampire concerning who out of the cast and crew he decides to eat.

This film was truly a dark, creepy, and somewhat disturbing film. However, it was also loaded with a very cynical humor that I found to be most hilarious. It’s probably one of the best vampire movies around and for its unique approach to an old genre of horror films; I give it a 5 on the NWOt rating scale.

Van Helsing

Insults and Overviews

Holy monkeys, would Bram Stoker have an aneurism along with Mary Shelly at the sight of this abomination of cinematic sewage! Where to begin? Van Helsing is apparently the Lieutenant of God (yes, God is a military power) who suffers amnesia and works for the Vatican ridding the world of evil monsters, trying to save their human (and therefore inherently good) counter parts. He is of course Lethal Weapon’s Mel Gibson character in the 19th Century European Monster Criminal Justice System.

He goes to Transylvania to stop Dracula from bringing life to the thousands of children he’s had with his three concubines. Dracky-baby’s kids apparently are born dead in egg sacks reminiscent of the Alien movies. Throw in a werewolf that jumps from tree to tree like Mighty Joe Young and an intellectually dvanced Frankenstein and you’ve got the reason my red-neck friends weren’t sharing any of the Captain Morgan we brought into the movie theater that night.

Demolition Time

This movie had such potential, but instead wasted its efforts courting the all mighty dollar from bitchy 14 year olds. Entertaining? Well, only if you consider the constant stream of, "No, No, No. That’s not right. That’s not the way the story goes. What the HELL are they talking about now?!! Dracula has babies?!! They’re supposed to be dead and sterile and needing to convert the living to their version of the living dead!!! WHO WROTE THIS?!!"… entertaining. The only difference between the rankness of this junk and The Ring is that at no given time is The Ring even remotely coherent or understandable.

Based on its utter crappiness and the fact that I got a whole swing on the flask that night, I’m giving Van Helsing a grand 1/3 of a point for assigning the proper names to the monsters they decided to feature. Big Momma’s House, you just keep looking better and better.

FLCL

The Synopsis:

Um, well… it’s, uh… Well, very simply put, FLCL (pronounced “Fooly Cooly”) is a six episode anime miniseries about a grade school boy named Takun – whose life is turned upside down by a alien chick. Sounds like your standard anime, but it really isn’t.

The Execution:

Words to describe FLCL are hard to come by at first, but after a few months of thinking I can confidently wipe the drool from my lip and say: Absurdist Madness!

FLCL has successfully taken all the anime stereotypes and genres and mashed them into about 130 minutes of the most insane, yet breathtaking animation one could ever hope to see. Comedy, drama, sex crazed mania, giant robots, teen angst, aliens on mopeds and more… it’s all here.

It begins when young Takun is smashed in the head with a pull-start electric guitar by the resident rogue space agent Haruko, who’s looking for something. This blow to the head causes Takun’s brain to become an interdimentional gateway by which all sorts of robotic nightmares come through in order to destroy the earth.

How you may ask? Why, buy trying to activate the Medica Mechanico building – which in reality is a giant clothes iron poised to dewrinkle the earth like so many planets prior. And as always, levity ensues as Takun comes to cope with the revolving door his brain has become, the lust he has for both Haruko and Mamini – the clingy, arsonist high schooler who used to date Takun’s brother (thankfully not appearing in the series), and the fact that his father is an idiot who watches too much Lupin III.

Confused yet? Good. I sat and watched the series 8 times and I’m still not all too sure what the heck is going on… so don’t think I gave too much of the plot away.

Aside from the main story, each episode is back with it’s own little, but equally off the wall, sub story – the theme of which always ties into the episodes end battle.

FLCL, though it may cause headaches, is a joy to watch. All the elements and characters mesh together well throughout the 6 episode run, eventually giving up more secrets to the show’s purpose.

The dubbing is excellent. Though I’ve not seen FLCL in Japanese (not that I could translate) or subtitled to know what the original dialog was, I could tell this was a good dub. The dialogue wasn’t clunky and unnatural like most English translations. Furthermore, the script kept its Japanese identity; many anime dubs these days try to pass off downtown Nagasaki as L.A.

The direction ranges from the cinematic, with meticulously drawn backgrounds and lighting – to crudely constructed, overblown slapstick shots. There are even some self-aware/self-mocking comic book form scenes.

The soundtrack is excellent and will stick in your head making you wish you had something heroic to do, just so you don’t waste the moment. Here’s an example:

The Pillows, “Ride On Shooting Star” – stream (16kbps)

The Verdict:

The people at Gainax productions out did themselves and I’m praying that they have a follow up in mind.

I have to give FLCL a full 6 out of 6 possible somewhat radioactive but very lethal Gibson guitars. If you are a fan of the strange, the weird, or just do a serious amount of drugs… this is the show for you. The bumpers at Adult Swim say that this show will change your life, and it very well might.

FLCL can be seen from time to time during Cartoon Network’s Adult Swim block. Check your local listings.