Computer Apps.

The other day I rode around in search of a paper application. I went in and out of stores only to come up with handful of URL’s. For you see there is no more paper… it’s a virtual world. Apply Online, apply online, apply online.

One store did have a sign saying, “Apply inside.” Turned out to be a computer terminal. A lot of places have Internet terminals to use for “application purposes” only. They’re usually in dark lit corners of the sales floor; ’cause people without jobs are distracting and frightening to consumers.

Then I came upon 2 stores with “Now Hiring” signs. “Oh boy,” I thought thinking I would speak to live people. I did. They gave me two more URL’s.

“Now Hiring” and “Apply Inside” should read – “face a computer and cast your name into the void to enter the corporate headquarters job lottery.”

To give you an idea, here’s a section of my “to apply to” list that requires online applications:

Kinkos, Target, Circuit City, Comp USA, Staples, Office Max, Office Dept, Home Depot, Lowes, Publix, Walmart, Bestbuy, Sears, BJ’s, Kmart, Dillard’s, and Macy’s

It’s bad… what ever happened to the personal touch? The day before the other day I actually had an interview with JC Penny’s, for the men’s department. I got the interview thanks to my grandma who complained about the idiots behind the counter. The manager overheard her and struck up an instant conversation where she dropped my name and the fact that I’m not as big a clod as the one’s they apparently had already.

So I went and got interviewed. He liked me; trusted my abilities to learn sales-craft; saw I had common sense. He told me to fill out an application online to make it official. Wouldn’t you know it, but I failed the questionnaire on the application. According to the computer (a box with no eyes, ears or reasoning ability) and it’s set of pre-defined answers (a psychological profile comprised of a finite number of multiple choices of which not one applied to my situation), I was not qualified; thus the department manager (a man who rose to the top cause he had reasoning and problem solving ability) has his hands tied and must hire someone who passes the test (a trained monkey who will give the answers the computer wants to hear, then fall asleep on the tie rack).

Now that’s progress.

They say that searching for work is a full time job. Now, thanks to the miracle of computers, you can telecommute!

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So it is with great honor that I bestow the first of many Kick-In-The-Shin Awards to the human resources departments of the mega-retailers in the world. Yes, the coveted Kick-In-The-Shin Award, which is given to most deserving of high-profile idiots, fools and backbirths without who the World would be a better place.

Mega retailers of the world, and indeed anyone who sifts though resumes and applications with the aid of a cold feelingless bit of plastic, your lack of the human touch is the bane of the unemployed sub-culture. Anyone can fill in the dots where they need to be in order to be labeled a prospective “good corporate drone.” Don’t let a scan-tron be your guide! Interview all applicants! You’ve got enough junior executives doing diddly-poo all day to cover it.

The Punisher (2004)

Set Up and Sarcasm

In Marvel’s new conquest of cinematic features none are spared, sort
of like the hero and villain characters in this 2004 movie about the popular
Punisher comic series. Tom Jane plays Frank Castle a lawman who has the
misfortune to kill the son of a respected business man and 800 pound gorilla
of most underworld activities in Miami, Florida. That gentleman is Howard
Saint, played by John Travolta.

In revenge for his Son’s death, Saint kills Castle’s entire family. And
thus we get to the crux of the film and the comic. Frank Castle made a
habit of taking on the wrong kind of villains, the ones with power, money
and connections (sort of like Bill O’Reilly with an M-16). Now, he’s dropped
the badge and decided to take on those same evildoers only in the slightly
illegal way of brutally murdering them. I’ll let you guess who comes out
the winner in this film, as in the comic.

Ratings and Rantings

In 1989 or so, Marvel attempted to put their character into action in
a feature also named The Punisher. By all accounts this movie was a flop,
the actor Dolph Lundgren was unable to capture the essence of the character
and the villains were nothing even remotely similar to those of the comic.
In 2004, well I have a feeling the purists will not be satisfied (after
all, like most of these Marvel movies a liberal dosage of poetic license
had been taken by the directors). However, it is entertaining, and worth
the watch. I’m going to give it a 4 because it was a step up from
Dolph Lundgren but the 2 points minus to keep the purists from burning
a cross on my lawn.

Hellboy

Overview and Wise Cracks

Hellboy is based on the Dark Horse Comic bearing the same name and concerning itself about the exploits of the same character. Considering that, one might say this movie is aptly titled. This so aptly titled movie concerns itself with the origins of and partnering up of Hell Boy and his wiener government agent buddy so named >indiscernible mumbling<.

It also introduces you to the concept that the occult is alive and well and practiced routinely by every modern nation of the world. The saga begins in the ending days of World War II, where a desperate Nazi regime employs the magical powers of Rasputin (yes, the same guy the commies killed in 1917) to bring Hell Boy into this world to aid them in their conquest. Well wouldn’t you know those danged old Americans step in and screw everything up for those poor misunderstood Iraq-er-I mean Nazis.

Rasputin gets tossed into hell, Hell Boy gets spit out and the US gets a new super hero to help combat its supernatural enemies. Well fast-forward to today, Rasputin is back but not because of Saddam or Osama. Anyhow the stage is set for a show down. And well, yeah, that’s pretty much the gist of it.

Ratings and Rantings

The story flowed very well, and best of all, no classic pieces of literature or classic characters were harmed in the making of this film. A claim those butchers over at the Van Helsing set can’t honestly make. I found it highly enjoyable and engaging with plenty of oogity-boogities to go around. Final rating: 5.

Tazo Chai & Matcha latte

The words chai and matcha are both ancient Asian forms for the word tea – which suits Tazo Teas and it’s archaic wisdom theme it has going for itself. But do these quick fix lattes they taste as stale as they sound?

The chai - It’s a blend of black tea and spices, most noticeably cinnamon, that you add to milk… and tastes pretty good. This is the stuff that Starbucks uses – and with a price tag of four bucks for a Starbuck’s chai compared to doing yourself at home for less than $.75 per serving, well you just can’t beat that with a telephone pole. Plus you get the added benefits of not having to have it served at 900 degrees C like the marked-up coffee shope version, nor having more mix than milk which tends rip out one’s throat with cinnamon. The ideal mix, says the box, is half milk/half mix. I like it at 2/3 milk and 1/3 mix, which produces liquid marshmallow. Good stuff indeed.

A warning though, do not operate heavy machinery after drinking because even the caffeinated version will put you to sleep.

The matcha - I got this by accident thinking it was the chat, though clearly the box is green. The mix is also green, which lead green milk and an exclamation not ready to be uttered here. After reading the box I found it was in fact green tea with honeydew and assorted fruit flavoring. I was thinking "the heck?" when I tried it, and I’m still thinking "the heck?"

Though it’s not bad tasting it has a creamy sickly-sweet flavor that does not resemble milk, tea, honeydew or the color green; and it smells like coconut-scented shampoo. Obviously it’s named after the Japanese tea ceremony tea because of its metaphysical properties – being everything and resembles nothing.

I have no mixing recommendations for this, for no matter how much you put in all it tastes the same… and you’ll have some unmixed junk at the bottom of your cup.

All in all, I say give both a try. If anything, the budding alchemists of the world can scrutinize the matcha over a nice cup of chai.

Pool Hall Junkies

Break Down and Ball Breaking

This little number marches in the tradition of all the old great movies about the game of pool (it of course adds modern elements throughout, since it does not take place in the1930s. How’s that for logic, there folks?) Anyhow, our hero is a pool whiz, with no parents who is taken under the wing of Chazz Palminteri, who exploits him for his own profit. Our lone hero finds out and serves Palminteri his just desserts, only to find himself against a professional pool shark who Palminteri has hired to play against him in a game of extremely high stakes.

Rantings and Ratings

To truly appreciate this movie, you really have to like the game of pool. Its overall story line is horrifically cliché and if you’re curious about what some of the top critics thought of the acting, well here’s a link to settle any such doubts:
http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/poolhall_junkies/

Despite what Richard Roeper might have you believing, the movie is entertaining, and does at least deliver on that. Besides, Christopher Walken is in it and he’s a good guy, a scary good guy albeit, but a good guy nonetheless. How often does that happen?

Overall, I’m going to let this piece of cinema slide on in with a 3.5. It’s better than Tears of the Sun, trust me.

Sun 80’s .com

Direct from Dublin is the streaming net station called Sun 80′s.com. This is a great station for all you dedicated 80′s fans. But like all things there’s pros and cons.

Pros -

• The stream itself is pure new wave and 80′s pop with few commercial interruptions.
• Great variety – not just the hits.
• The website is full of everything 80′s including games, nostalgic top ten lists and lyrics.
• They take requests via email… and play them!

Cons –

• As I said it’s for extreme 80′s fans- there’s neither a playlist
  nor really any announcement of songs. You either know it or you don’t.
• The stream is only for Window’s Media Player. It wont play in any other music app., and if you don’t have Windows Media Player integrated with your browser, it’s buried in the station guide for Widows MP.
• No forums or chats. People this dedicated deserve to talk to each other.

Despite its slight drawbacks, it’s still a great station. With only a 28k stream just about everyone can enjoy it so I recommend you visit it at:

www.sun80s.com or get to it via the 80′s menu in your Windows Media Player radio station guide.

Franz Ferdinand – Franz Ferdinand

When a new band comes out you hate to compare it to other music; it tends to take something away by giving the impression that the new band is not so new. Well, the following does not imply that Franz Ferdinand is the same old thing (far from it): This group’s is the newTalking Heads! It’s the rebirth of Art Rock.

Franz Ferdinand the group and album is, for the most part, a breath of fresh air. Just as one could at best label the Talking Heads as eclectic rock, that’s the best you can pin on Franz Ferdinand. No categories, just great music.

I first got exposed to Franz Ferdinand channel surfing and stumbled across the video for track three – Take Me Out. The song starts out as a twangy little number but soon changes tempo and mood in to a beat driven monster. Coupled with the Dadaistic nightmare of the music video staring animated pictures from 1920′s mail order catalogs… I needed more.

The album starts out with the disarming song Jacqueline, which seems to be slow paced love song at first. However, just as Take Me Out and indeed just about all their songs (hard to pull off), the mood changes. You may recognize the riff from the 2004 MLB playoff commercials.

Tell Her Tonight is some unique blend of funk and psychedelic surf rock and some interesting lyrics about obsession that I think we all can relate to.

Next comes The Dark of the Matinee, which has a pleasant commercial-hit air to it. It must be the catchy chorus and off beat cadence in the lyrics.

Anyway, it’s hard to come up with enough adjectives to compliment each song. I’ve had the album for a month and I’m still trying to analyze the songs. Needless to say each track is a stand out. Despite their own ways about them they all mesh into a great album.

The videos are artistic masterpieces in their own right. And I mean artistic – Take Me Out with its dada roots (as I mentioned); This Fire a hysteria-induced constructionist (propaganda) feel; and Dark of the Matinee a surreal bit of fancy.

Not bad for a couple of pals from Scotland deciding to make some tunes.

Look out for Franz Ferdinand. Like they’re namesake whose death sparked change in the political world, this band’s success will change the musical world forever. (How’s that for poignant?) I just hope they stay together better than The Talking Heads did.

Ok now for the ratings.

If you couldn’t guess the pure praise rather than critical review of above, the album itself gets highest marks – 6 out of 6 on the arbitrary scale.

Now for other minor bits:

Headphonability, or how well it fairs strapped to your skull,
is a 5 out of 6. The album has it share of big beats and loud riffs, but
it’s not going to blow out your eardrums. It loses a point because there’s not much more to the songs than what comes from the stereo (i.e. no inaudible undertones or subtleties). Some times it’s cool to catch stuff you’ve never heard after 300 times listening an album.

Travelicity, or is it good on a road trip? It is indeed. As I had said many songs will switch tempo and moods, but in this case it has no bearing on momentum. Franz Ferdinand will keep your pace constant and get you where you need to go.

Replayability, or how many time you can listen to it before it becomes a clay pigeon – another 5 out of 6, unfortunately. Some songs will get older than others forcing you to hit the fast-forward. But the bulk of the album is so good it’ll keep with you and haunt you in yoursleep.

Dont believe me? Well, take their word for it… some ±40sec 16kbps clips:

• Take Me Out
• Dark Of the Matinee
• Auf Achse
• This Fire
• Come On Home

These clips are used without permission.Amazon uses sound clips, but they make money off the deal. We don’t.

Generally, Election Day

Today is Election Day – perhaps the greatest day on the American Calendar! I only call it great not because the aging bowls of democracy gets its only movement, but because it signals the end of campaign season. The inane television ads – cease; the cacophonous radio spots – silenced; and the roadside signage – chopped down. I am sick of campaigning, and after this day is over my fever will clear.

When did we get so swamped with political ads? Yesterday, just about every other commercial was a political ad – amendments, candidates, attacks, referendums, slurs, muckraking and spin… yeck! And that was just the nightly news! It’s got to stop.

A) They’re cheesy; B) they’re all lies C) they’re cheesy! What’s with these ads now with the candidates doing the narration then saying they approved the message. NO FREAKIN’ DUH! I don’t think even politicians are stupid enough to go national and read copy that went un-butchered for continuity.

We should have the candidates approve of the ads against them… that’d shut it all up.

We need to label exactly who paid for the messages. Committees for the blank and blank of such and such doesn’t cut it. Whose wallet signed off the papers to form the fictitious name of this so-called committee? I mean the more savvy of us know… but to those who only get their political info from the glowing box on the wall it’s a political puppet show. Who are you going to follow? Punch, Judy or the puppeteer?

We need to stop all campaign ads the day before Election Day. That way it gives a solid 24 hours for voters to clear the eye candy out of their heads and THINK for a moment. Yes, I said THINK in relation to an election – thoughtcrime is in the air! High impact ads are no fair to the political process. It’s like college – whose party you going to head to? The one with blasting music and funky lights, of course.

Finally we need candidates who have the presidential air! You know, that thing when you drop a history book and it opens to a portrait and you know it’s of a president without even reading the caption. We’ve not had some one president like in a very long time – at least since Truman. Even James Garfield, who lasted only 3 months, had the air. Even Taft, the first Walrus ever elected president, had the air. Today – hot air.

It’s time to stop the over saturation of political ads. The media already has its fair share of clowns. Do we really need to increase their flock for a period of 4 months? Campaigns in other “civilized” countries last only about two weeks. Why not here?

But, as I say, at least it’s all over for another year. We now return to the mindless entertainment and crass commercialism we all know and love. For, at the end of the day, isn’t that what democracy is all about?

I’m Ryan Livingston, and I approved this rant.

And by the way, I did vote… so I have every right to complain for another 4 more years.