Firstly, I should like to thank all coalition forces that have gone off to ‘see the elephant’ as it were, for putting themselves in the line of fire, so that I could enjoy civilian life. Truly, dying thousands of miles away in a foreign land for countrymen who may not even appreciate it is to have honor and dignity above and beyond anything your detractors at home will ever manage to attain.
I would also like to thank the countries of Afghanistan, Albania, Australia, Azerbaijan, Colombia, the Czech Republic, Denmark, El Salvador, Eritrea, Estonia, Ethiopia, Georgia, Hungary, Iceland, Italy, Japan, Korea, Latvia, Lithuania, Macedonia, the Netherlands, Nicaragua, the Philippines, Poland, Romania, Slovakia, Spain, Turkey, the United Kingdom and Uzbekistan for their support and contributions to the war effort.
At the risk of being rude, or down right disrespectful, I’m going to end my comments about Iraq and those brave individuals who are doing what no ‘war protester’ would dare do, take on a truly repressive despotic regime. Most of what I could say, has probably been said by people much more suitable than myself to say it.
I’m going to turn my attention to the website you’re probably reading this from, if I may. Despite the fact that this current month of March seems to have put us in the grave to the left of Saddam, unlike him, we ain’t dead yet. We are also void of any banned missiles, even though I’m sure I could hide 12 Tomahawks in the plastic 170 cubic foot shed in my backyard and Hans Blix wouldn’t be able to find them.
By Monday, maybe Tuesday Ryan should get a new shipment of my cartoons. I’m not going to mention whether they’re traveling via UPS, FEDEX, USPS or Brinks Armored Transport, to prevent the many critics of this site from intercepting the delivery (I know you’re out there, waiting, watching, plotting). However, I am going to say that those of you out there need to tells what your gripes, grievances, complaints are, or even make some general commentary so we can better adjust to fit your entertainment needs.
Currently there are a few plans on the board to increase our content, including a live-action show using real human beings! That’s right, real ones that eat and breath! And they’ll be doing stuff too, not just lifelessly sitting there, absorbing oxygen like they do in the UN! It is a long way off, but on our minds, nonetheless.
But above all else we need your support, and that’s why this pledge drive—oops—they’re signaling me that I’m infringing on next month’s non-booze related speech. Shame too, we’ve got some kick ass tote bags for a mere $75 contribution… Anyway, we need some feed back from you readers out there. It doesn’t have to be complimentary, it doesn’t have to be nice, and it doesn’t even have to consist of anything more than various insulting four-letter words. It’s ok; we need to start somewhere, next time we’ll work on various insulting six-letter words. The only requirement is that it’s in English, and it doesn’t have to be good English, either. Sorry about that stipulation, but my German and Italian is just not up to the task of professional letterdom, don’t even ask about Ryan’s Cornish or Tibetan.
Once again, write us with something.
Thank you and Gute Nacht.