Desert Storm II, Electric Boogaloo

When war in the Middle East breaks out, you know it’s time to look at your trading card collection. Really, is there a better way to comment on the latest current events than using Topps © 1991 Desert Storm trading Cards? I think not!

He was so young way back when. Colin Powell – 4 Star general, Secretary of State, snappy dresser and all around nice guy. In this scene, Powell is seen standing in front of a very surprised looking map of the Middle East. He’s either complaining about a burnt out light bulb, or pointing to where Saddam and his followers will not be going… both literally and figuratively. You see he’s both pointing to Kuwait and upwards indicating heav… aw screw it.

Here, we see a French Mirage Fighter. Aptly named, since seeing one now would surely be a figment of the imagination. Luckily we’re not in need of French military help, which also turns back into sand when you get too close.

Above, a scud missile. Pointed at a 45° angle downwards, this was part of the early Iraqi stratagy to “get ’em from below.” This plan was later scrapped. “A hit within one-half mile of the target is considered acceptable.”-back of the card

The scud is a missile capable of delivering chemical and biological agents. It’s also what we call dog shit (pardon my freedom), which is basically the effectiveness of one of these things today.

Ah, the Patriot Missile…The Patriot Missile… It’s ours… Enough said. This is why the scuds don’t really matter.

That’s the spirit boys. To the left is a picture of Saddam’s forces giving up during the shindig on 1991. No wonder why the French don’t want to help us, they’re admire Iraqi tactics too much.