Dreaming of 2005

I was going to look back at the year we just left, but as I reviewed my notes I realized it would be too great of an ordeal… Let the past go I always say; that is, if the year happened to be 2004.

It began with a boob and ended with a bang…. I don’t know if the tsunami was a symbolic year-in-review or an omen of the year to come. I hope the prior, but most news-casting psychics seem to believe that 2005 is going to be a lulu. They saw the tsunami coming, so I tend to believe them.

Here’s what I see: more of the same. That’s not to say the status quo. No, I see an escalation of more of the same. Double the Red v. Blue issues with triple the coverage by more slanted media outfits. That is until aliens make themselves known in a major way and we have Green issues to contend with.

I see various sects of people (notably in Texas and Alabama) joining together and rejecting anything invented or produced by non-whites and/or non-straights a lá the Amish v. electricity. I also see a grand celebration soon after as those sects die off because it’s impossible to survive without all that stuff.

I see that the seesaw battle that is health care will transform into a tilt-a-whirl that’ll stop only when everyone gets sick all at once. It won’t be that the medical firms will drop price; rather, there’ll just be no one left to complain about the bills.

I see the networks making derivatives of each other’s reality shows until by the end of the summer there will be 23 stations all showing the 24/7 life and times of a pizza maker from Topeka named Argyle.

I see that whatever universal force you may believe in is going to get more wrathful and is going to be a real pain in the ass.

But I also see some hope… insurgents will walk away mumbling, “well, we tried eh?” Kim Jung Ill will hatch his latest crazy scheme and launch the entire landmass of North Korea into space in competition with NASA. The extremists of the world will simultaneously loose the sticks from their asses and fall down laughing as they finally get “why the chicken cross the road.” Last but certainly not least, the sun will go nova… oh wait I’m reading from the 2006 sheet, may bad.

Nope, no hope this year I’m afraid. Really afraid.