I took your advice about the nutria for a family pet and the damn thing went on a rampage! It bit my son’s legs off the same night I brought it home. Luckily my wife is a skilled Amazon Huntress and was able to kill it before it got further. But man you should be locked up for the “help” you give. You’ll be hearing from my lawyers!
And you sir shall be hearing from my loan officer!
Seriously though, you should be on your knees thanking me now that your son can follow in your footsteps. With Amazonian genes in him, did you really think your kid’d have any chance of being a jockey without some sort of amputation? I just saved you $30,000 in leg shortening bills.
Although my words should be law, they are not. I but sit here in my padded cubicle ticking away at my keyboard, putting me out of posture to have a gun to your head. So if you don’t have the time to dedicate to keep vigil over your sleeping children while a bloodthirsty megarodent sleeps in their beds, please consider an antfarm to an exotic pet.
Yours in disclaimer,