Standard New Years Resolution #2 – Getting Fit

Happy New Year to all, first off.

At the stroke of midnight on that fateful night each year, many of the sober of us (and those not so) declare our goals for the coming calendar. Some are lofty, vowing monumental changes not even possible with a crate of ambrosia at the ready. Some are more meager and warrant a hearty “so what?”

I have vowed the middle ground and decided it’s high time to get back into shape. Or rather, in shape to begin with.

I’ve never been in the best of health to start out with. I was a sickly runt up until the age of six, and literally near death’s door thanks to a regimen of misdiagnosed medicines prescribed by a leading HMO, which will remain anonymous (though the name has something to do with that area connecting the leg to the waist).

After I got better I shot passed physically fit and hit morbidly obese and have been there ever since. So, this year I decided that I shouldn’t let my family history of heart disease and bad teeth catch up with me.

So far I am starting out basic: cutting food consumption, taking supplements and exercising. Each has it’s own nagging way of making me miserable.

My stomach has decided it’s no longer speaking to me. That’s figuratively speaking of course, since it’s growling has never been louder.

The supplement chromium picolinate is supposed to increase metabolism, increasing energy and burning fat. Well, it works… now I’ve got so much energy it’s hard to get to sleep. I guess I’ll have to take Lutine to strengthen my sight, so I can actually be productive in my insomnia.

And of course exercise is exercise. Anyone whose attempted it knows what a pain it can be. Literally a pain… somehow I strained my shoulder doing a sit-up.

However, willpower and determination will be my guide to see it through. Of course, thinking about girls swooning over my physique someday doesn’t hurt either.

And I have full faith that I can accomplish my goal. It’s in the stars.

Apparently my birthday is the day of the world shifter or something like that, and I have a natural affinity for phsical prowess but not the spunk to pursue it. That’s true enough… in eighth grade I (a gross mess at the time as well) completed an obstacle course (hurdles and back flips included) with the same time as the top athlete in the class. Of course, if I hadn’t that 10-second penalty for missing a tire, I would have had a better time. But, such 4th dimensional observations are lost on the average grade-schooler, so I kept it to myself in fear of getting punched.

Sum radix lecti…

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Written by

Ryan Livingston

Ryan Livingston

Artist / Writer / internet disk jockey / retail wage slave / carbon based lifeform. Founder of the New World Otter and RML Studios

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